1. My church is doing a devotional, Ashes to Fire that lasts from Lent-Pentecost and I’ve been going through it with everyone else that’s participating. I haven’t read the new testament in forever (as it took me over a year to get through the old testament -_- ), so I’ve really been enjoying that.
2. God is good and I’m often guilty of forgetting that. Sometimes I look at my life when I’ve been disappointed something didn’t work out the way I wanted it to or other people I know that have been through a lot and I’m like “How could God let them go through that and still be good”. It’s been a process and I think I’m finally getting to the point where I’m like “God, you know what… I don’t know everything that’s behind the situations I’m seeing and/or experiencing and I’m going to just trust that you are good, that you will make good out of the situation, and that you have the final word.” I’ve been at peace about some decisions I’ve made. I wasn’t 100% about buying the car off my aunt, getting on my own insurance etc. But having hours last week and this week, part time hours (at least) during the summer and seeing that the center I work at really does like me (based on what I was told after being observed this past week!) I think I’m finally starting to commit to believing that, not just sometimes/deep down but all the time.  
3. I could potentially be hearing back about whether or not I get into the nursing program next month!!!!!!! I really hope I hear back soon because I’m supposed to find out this week if they except my transferred in chemistry and AP credits for English! I admit that I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get in, but I’m not going to deal with that until I know for sure that I didn’t.
4. I’ve been exploring whether or not I should work with children. I work with them now at the center. And when I was observed the girl that observed me was like “I really admire your repoire with the kids. They are really comfortable with you , even after they have just met you the first time.” I guess I have that effect  (affect?) on people in general though. I’ve had random people just tell me about their lives, even total strangers. I don’t mind and I’m sure that’s going to be a big part of being a nurse….I just wonder what will be better for me. What’s going to challenge me, but at the same time what is going to work well with my talents? I’m sure it’ll become clear to me as I go through clinicials, but my friend Emily keeps mentioning that she thinks I would be good working with children. Obviously I’m talking about being a pediatric nurse. Because I really don’t think I would want to be a teacher in the traditional sense. I don’t want to stay at the center I work at now, but I really do love it so I would definitely consider it if everything else fell through. They just don’t have that many centers open so it would really limit me to stay within the company, you know? It’s a wonderful company that knows how to treat their employees and I just think does a lot of things right, but I’m just not sure it’s where I’m supposed to stay long-term. It’s a great summer/break/part-time job. However, if I do the CNA class over the summer that will give me clinicial experience for when I start applying to nursing jobs. I need that edge as I definitely want to get the heck out of CT, no matter what.

I got distracted, so I’m going to end there….

01. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Yea. I think there would be a problem if they didn’t since we’ve been together for awhile.

02. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Well, considering that I’m 19 now and it isn’t much of an age gap sure. It’s funny that I read that and was like “bleh, that’s so young for me”…..I feel so old sometimes. 

03. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
No, but I haven’t really listened to any music today.

04. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Light blue sweater, khakis, sparkly black flats, blue scarf (aka what I wore to work today since they want me for this week)

05. Who do you have texts from?
Lots of people: old friend from high school, boyfriend, mom, and various other friends

06. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
Social, sometimes, mostly antisocial. I have to push myself to go out sometimes. It really depends on I’m feeling.

07. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
It hurts, but I try not to care because I know I can only do so much and it reflects on them more than it does on me.

08. When was the last time you cried?
I can’t remember, but it’s been awhile which is good.

09. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
Naturally. I feel like I’ve only really meant it much fewer times.

10. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Yes, I would make them more green all the time. (I agree with Darcy’s answer, lol)

11. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Yea, I love it lol. 

12. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Nope, she was texting me about anatomy help and when we were gotta meet up.

13. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

YEP

14. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Yea and I’m really glad I didn’t get them because they were lame, aka they only wanted me for sex.

15. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? 
boyfriend

16. Does anyone hate you?
Wouldn’t be surprised.

17. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Nope, I don’t drink and even if I did I think it would be creepy to hide bottles in my room like that.

18. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
2006, it just wasn’t a good year for me and I did a lot of stupid stuff.

19. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
Maybe. 

20. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
Yes!

21. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Yep! It was a day off from school, I did a lot of productive stuff with cleaning, chilling etc.

22. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Why yes, I was  

23. What’s the best part about school?
Seeing my friends, learning cool things, being all academic

24. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
No, not really. Two years ago I was graduating high school, getting ready to go to Eastern, wanted to be an English teacher. Now I’m going to another school and want to be a nurse.

25. Are you nice to everyone?
I try to be.

26. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Yep.

27. Do you think you like someone?
Yes.

28. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
Yes, but it was kind of a summer fling. 

29. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
 My aunt or the boyfriend. Can’t remember.

30. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yess’m

31. Anyone you’re giving up on?
I try not to give up on people because I don’t think anyone is beyond hope, just beyond human ability. So generally if I give up on people I pull back and pray.

32. Are you over your past?
Some of it, not all of it. But I guess you take things in stride lol.

33. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

34. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
Well, it’s one of my friends and she’s very pretty. I have a lot of pretty friends.

Soooo Nemo hit us. We were fine, didn’t lose power or anything, but I have pictures!!!

My leg next to all the snow. Hopefully that gives you an idea as to how deep it is.

   

My mom’s car, covered in snow.

 

 

 

 

My car, covered in snow. The best part about it is that my license plate was basically completely covered, but I was like eh and covered the last 3 symbols that were slightly showing just to be safe. My car was the most covered because I have a 1990 Geo Prizm and it sits kind of low to the ground.

 

So, lately I’ve been having breakfast at school because of when I go to work out. I get up early-ish so I can get to the gym at school when it opens at 8. I don’t want to feel rushed eating breakfast/don’t want to eat breakfast just to feel hungry after working out so I have been bringing my breakfast to eat after I work out.

I did not want to have something large to carry my breakfast in, so when we last finished our margarine I just cleaned the container out and started putting it in that. 

Today I ate breakfast with my friend. I pull out my margarine container, a spoon, and carried on my merry way.

However, I guess I must’ve spaced a little while eating it because she kept asking me , “Hey, are you sure you don’t want some bread with that??”

Somehow I managed to hear her and it was hilarious because she told me she thought I was eating butter. I guess I could see why she thought that because today my breakfast was greek yogurt that’s totally white. She was sitting across from me so it must’ve made it look funnier. 

This amused me all day.

Anyway, the best part of this is when I told my aunt about it. She said I should have put my breakfast into a “I can’t believe it’s not butter” container so my friend could have been like “OHMYGOSH….I can’t believe it’s not butter”. Ok, that was cheeeeeeeesy, but I admit I’m a cheesy person that got a kick out of it.

 

Also, in anatomy we’re talking about the male reproductive system and my professor is a guy. I thought it was funny/felt bad for him to have to teach about that to an entire class full of women except for one guy besides him. But he told us some funny stories so it was slightly awesome as well. Apparently his chemistry professor used to give “quizzies”. One day another one of his classmates complained about how hard the quizzies were and their prof was like “Oh well if you think my quizzies are hard then you should see my testies” LOL. I died when he told us that story. Hope there are more funnies like that to come.

 

 

 

3 things today that were good

1. On the way into the school building today I heard and saw a bird singing. I love that !
2. I feel relatively good about the hormones we are talking about in anatomy and feel pretty prepared for our lab quiz tomorrow.
3. I realized today that I finally feel like an adult, and it’s not this scary thing like I used to feel like it was. I like responsibility.

I was talking to someone today and somehow we got on the topic of passports. I’ve never been out of the country, so I have no passport/have never gotten one. So one thing led to another and he came up with a brilliant plan/prank that I am totally executing….

I don’t know if it’s come across or not, but my mom is very paranoid/afraid/anxious/whatever word you want to use. She is kind of high strung and very conservative. 

The plan is for me to get a passport. I would like to get one because it is good backup just in case my wallet gets stolen or something. However, it’ll be hilarious because I’m going to be all secretive about it. So my mom will possibly see about it and wonder why I didn’t mention it to her. I’m sure her thoughts will go to  ”OMG DOES KIM HAVE A SECRET LOVER IN FRANCE OR IS SHE PEDDLING DRUGS TO PEOPLE IN MEXICO?!?!?!?!” Ok, maybe that is exaggerating a little bit….but still. It’ll be great to have to fend off conversations about why I don’t need to move to France to be with my secret lover Romeo or something ridiculous like that. To add to this I think I’m going to get information about traveling in Europe sent to the house etc. 

I think I’m going to get the form later this week….let the fun begin…

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, I’m really happy about a lot of the changes that have been happening my life.

My car officially became mine as of Friday, so that meant a few things that I have been waiting on for awhile. My family forbade me from going on the highway with said car because of somethings that happened (see backstory below or skip it…)

~~~~Backstory~~~~

Backstory: My family, specifically my mom and my aunt, got rear ended by a tracter trailer in my car on the highway. The steering wheel was shaking, and “We almost went off the embankment”. This was around 10 years ago. Anyway, because of this my aunt (who owned the car before me) said no highway. As it was her car and I needed to be able to get to school I followed said rule. I was concerned if I didn’t she would take the car away from me and I would have no way of getting around….

Needless to say, I have been thinking about my future. I don’t want to live in Connecticut the rest of my life. Right now it is fairly easy for me to get around without taking the highway. However, I probably will be living out west/not on the east coast where it is very spread out and not taking the highway would be idiotic. Also, I don’t want to live in fear of anything like my family does. I understand being afraid after something like that happens, but eventually it becomes unhealthy and it is just better to move on. Also, sometimes it really does not make sense to spend a 1/2 hr in the car when you can get there in 10 minutes by taking the highway (or when it takes forever to get somewhere via the main roads). So I decided as soon as we talked about these things that I would go on the highway when the car was officially mine.

I had been on the highway before, mostly in driver’s ed (though that was a 2-lane highway that has no trucks/RVs etc allowed on it, not a 4 lane highway). One other time with my dad, in Delaware. But this was going to be the first time by myself….

~~~~End backstory~~~~

So yeah, today I went on the highway on the way home from church. Totally by myself for the first time. And I got home in one piece. I didn’t die and for all those things I am grateful. Here is to taking a big step to asserting my independence as an adult and not letting my family control what I do. It’s also a big step because I rarely ever push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. I guess for me something like this has really been a symbol of part of what it means to be an adult, making these decisions without your family telling you it’s right or wrong. Because I may not always make good decisions, but I know I’m an adult at this point and making decision on my own is my right now.

 

And on another car related note, I might be replacing my brakes soon. I have to pull my tires off and look to see if I can wait, but I was perusing on amazon and found out they have car parts! So that’s a good thing !

 

Anyway, more unrelated things now.

 

I told my friend some stuff that I thought was in confidence. Nothing bad, but nothing I wanted other people to know, just because it’s not really their business, you know? So we go to school together and during some study time we’re chatting and she casually tells me that she told her grandma what I was just talking about that I told her. Initially I was kind of mad. However, I realized a few things. I know she didn’t do it to be malicious. And I also know I have done the same thing. This taught me a few things….

1. Even though I already have been working on this, I have learned how much more important it is to be a more private person. 
2. Don’t tell this friend anything that I would not want 100% of the world to know. She’s a nice girl, but I need to be smart about what I say about myself.
3. I trust people too easily and this is part of #1, but stop being so trusting of people and make them earn your trust/learn how to tell from the get go who is actually trust worthy…

 

Through a large portion of my life I have been kind of pathetic. I have played a victim to my circumstances and just defeated/broken down to said circumstances (whatever they are at the time). I had some things happen and I have been doing a lot of thinking about that lately. I obviously can’t re-live what I have already done to make it better, but I can move forward. And to me, right now, moving forward is not being so pathetic. Part of my pathetic-ness is that I was trying to do things on my own without any help. Nobody can live like that. I don’t want to live like that anymore. But I can’t share my thoughts with a lot of my friends, it just wouldn’t be a good plan especially when I am trying to be more private. I guess I’ve realized recently that I really can find my strength and the will to change and be emotionally stable through my faith in Christ. I never really understood that until recently. I know there are verses about Christ (or at least God, I’m not very good at direct quotes) being steady, constantly with us, a rock, stronghold etc. Things don’t have to be ok. I just have to put my faith and my attention in the right place no matter what is going on. I’m happy God has brought me to a place where I realize that. Hope that makes sense. I don’t really know if that was the best way to describe it, but it made sense to me.

And on a related note, we have been talking about something I find really interesting to think about in church/bible study. My pastor, Keith, and I talked about this a little bit in bible study and then after church today everybody was talking about it at fellowship time. We have been discussing the seemingly paradoxical idea of Christ as both fully man and fully God. I used to think that Christ was just fully man and fully God in that he had the sin nature but he knew everything that God knows (the future, etc) and so via being fully God he was able to evade sin and die on the cross and all is well (aka “God in a human suit”). Then I forget when but Keith brought something up about Jesus in bible study. I forget exactly what part of Mark we were going through but I think it was the part where Jesus has the disciples go out before palm sunday and get a donkey for him and stuff. We were talking about how Jesus either could have known about the donkey in advance or he could have gone there and gotten it set up. Either way, Keith explain, Jesus is still fulfilling the prophecy he had to fulfill (which, I don’t know off the top of my head). Anyway, this brought up a different image of Jesus as man/God in my mind that we have been talking about in greater detail. The idea is that Jesus was fully man, with the sin nature. But he was also fully God, except he emptied himself of the knowledge of the future/things that would have given him an advantage on earth and kept only the ability to forgive sins and something else that I can’t think of right now. But basically, everything he did beyond that was through the guidance/blessing of the holy spirit. Initially I was kind of like :S about this, but as I’ve thought about it more I’ve been like ! Because Keith explained it more and was like “think about how much more we can follow Christ’s example if he wasn’t just God in a human suit. If God is just being God in a human suit it was definitely impossible for us to follow his example. But if we’re like Christ and we can follow the leading of the holy spirit he is truly showing us how to live our lives.” Not that it couldn’t be the way I was talking about before, but yeah…this has definitely given me things to think about. Anyway, I could go on about this, but now I’m getting lazy explaining what we were talking about. And I’m sure books upon books have been written about this (which is why it cracks me up when I think about stuff like this because I know I’m just scratching the surface sometimes…….)