September 12, 2011

• Something I have been meaning to post for awhile….

  I became a Christian recently. I know that will come as a surprise to a lot of you, so here’s my testimony. I also started a revelife (lifewithgod@revelife) for more God oriented postings. My xanga is still for my ramblings about day to day stuff.

   

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  Testimony

  I had to give my testimony when I got baptized recently. Here it is!

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  Hi, my name is Kim. I’m going to be a freshman at Eastern Connecticut State University this fall. I hope to major in English and Secondary Education.

  I was lucky. From a young age I was introduced to God. For the majority of my childhood I grew up going to a Baptist Church. Around when I turned 12 my mom, aunt, and I started doing childcare at another church. This other church did not have a way for us to hear the sermons while we watched the children. Due to that, church stopped being a big part in our lives; we eventually stopped going. I basically stopped thinking about God. How could I when it was not brought up much in conversation? That, and typical difficulties I went through in middle school convinced me that God was just some idealistic thought. I remember thinking “How could God make me go through this?” and “Why?”. That basically cinched it for me.

   

  Fortunately I found out otherwise. Coming to God was a fairly long process for me. The thing that is surprising, even to me is how it began. From the second semester of my freshman year in high school to the beginning of my spring semester of my junior year I had a boyfriend. When we were together I had considered him not only my boyfriend, but also my best friend. After everything fell apart and I broke things up I was devastated. Sure, I was able to function normally and go through the motions of each day, but something was missing. Of course it was—-because I had put all of my hope in my life into a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I knew the danger of being obsessed with money and material things, and here I had done the same thing, but only with a different “God”. The big break-up led me to actively search for God. I cried out and even did some prayer journalling about different things. I had some answers to my prayers, but that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more, and I got it. June of last year I got a job at Robeks Juice. I had applied for that job the previous summer and literally hundreds of people apply for jobs there every year; it’s a very popular place to work. One of my coworkers there told me that I was hired because someone had shuffled through the applications and mine ended up on top. The odds in this instance were too much for me to believe it was completely a coincidence. Additionally, this source of money could not have come at a better time; I needed money for driver’s ed and even some to use toward college. I did not see how else the job could have come to be without some sort of divine intervention. I believed in God, but didn’t believe that Jesus is the son of God or anything of that nature just yet. I had too many objections and was too stubborn.

   

   

  A few months went by and I got in a discussion with someone about God. They saw I was lost and wanted to push me in the right direction, so they lent me The Case For Christ by Lee Strobel. The Case for Christ talks about the different objections people have both to Christianity and some things in the bible; it lays the truth down. I’m one of those people that learns incredibly well by reading, so this really was God’s way of showing me that I was wrong. After finishing The Case For Christ, I prayed about it, asking God to reveal himself to me. I wanted confirmation that this was the truth; I was still a little wary about all of it. Later that day I went to church with my friend Shadiah. Her pastor had a message about science and how it was not always as infallible as people think; I had put so much faith in evolution and “big bang” type science that I had neglected to even think of the possibility that it was often so wrong. I can pinpoint that as the day I started to believe, but not as the day that I started to walk in the life.

   

  I would also say that another one of the biggest factors that led me to find God and truly believe in him was the people he has placed in my life. While there are many different people I can mention, two specific ones come to mind. One of them, Shadiah, has been like a sister to me. Shadiah and her family always make me feel comfortable and at home when I visit them in New Jersey. I always used to ask Shadiah questions about her Christian faith, and even though she was often frustrated because I sometimes gave her attitude she demonstrated a certain amount of patience that I did not understand at the time. The other person I can speak highly of is my stepmother, Nancy. Nancy gives and gives; I have never expected anything from her; nor is she obligated to give me anything. Yet, she always thinks of me when I am visiting and makes me a vegan dish–even if it is something as simple as mixed vegetables. She has also shown me great kindness and generosity by giving me all sorts of gifts whether it be for Christmas, my birthday, or just because. God has used both Shadiah and Nancy, among many other people I’ve encountered, to help me realize the way that God works in us.During the period of my life where I considered myself a non-believer I often questioned why certain people had these traits that I’ve described. It got to a point where I could not justify or explain it anymore.

   

  I wasn’t ready to walk a life with God just yet. For the first few months of 2011 I was pretty confused about a lot of things. That being said it was the perfect opportunity for someone to manipulate me and use me. Someone I encountered at this time lied to me and told me things I wanted to hear so that they could use me. They treated me with so much disrespect and like complete and total crap, and then when they were finished using me they just stopped talking to me. It was devastating. Not only did I lose someone who I thought was a good friend and confidante to me, but I also lost respect from many people around me for spending the time I spent with them. Not long after we stopped talking, people were also gossiping about me behind my back. I thought the drama was going to end because we stopped talking,but it was just beginning. I was frustrated in so many ways. I let this person string me along and blatantly lie to me; I gave him the benefit of the doubt when people warned me that he wasn’t good news. I was hard-headed and stubborn, so even a lot of the friends I had at the time were ganging up with the “I told you so’s”. I felt so incredibly alone. I was at rock bottom. I didn’t feel like I could turn to anyone because even the friends around me didn’t want to hear it. It didn’t matter to them that I was hurt and needed someone to talk to; I just needed support. To them, it was just my problem for not listening to them in the first place. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, and I needed someone to listen to me. It really got to a point where I was so frustrated and upset that I just reached out to God in desperation.  One night before I was going to sleep I had enough. I prayed about everything that was going on and had a good cry about it. It was so surreal. I’ve cried myself to sleep before, but this was different. In the past when I had cried myself to sleep I remember falling asleep with this pit of hopelessness; I cried because the situation was bad and wasn’t going to get better. That night I felt peace, and an understanding that there was nothing to worry about and the pit of hopelessness was not there.

   

  Not long after this we started coming to Grace and everything only went uphill from there. I was nervous before we came to Grace and I asked God to show me that it was the right place for me to be. The first few Sundays we came, and even the multitude of Sundays after, have spoken into my life and have touched upon things I’ve dealt with and that I’ve seen others struggle with. God has also really used youth group discipleship group to influence me as well. Being a part of both groups helped me feel a part of something bigger than myself, and grow in my faith. I’ve learned so much about God, and I’ve grown so much in his word through my time here at Grace. I think the best way to put it is to say that everything makes more sense and seems clearer since I have come to grow in my faith with God. The biggest difference between now and then is that there is so much less anxiety in my life. I’m very much a worrier at heart and I often get caught up in the “what ifs” of life. I also get really crazy about the circumstances of my life. I’ve wondered a lot about the circumstances, and why things are a certain way. When I was writing this I took a break to pray and read my bible. I prayed about the testimony and asked God to give me a verse to use in it. I’ve been reading Acts. In Acts 17, Luke talks about a specific instance where Paul preached to the people of Athens. Verses 26-28 states that “From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being” God spoke to me through what I read here. Yes, I may not always be happy with the situations and circumstances in my life, but I know that he puts them there for a reason. The way my life has turned out makes me the person that I am supposed to be, and it glorifies God. Everything in my life may fall apart, but God remains to pick up the pieces. I’ll continue to make mistakes, but God will be there as he was in the past.

  • 6:50 pm
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