1. Friends/Family/Social Contact
2. Food/Water
3. Shelter
4. Internet
5. Alone time

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

he battle between good and evil that was never written in the Bible.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. 

Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You 
want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. 

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. 

So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. 

God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more 
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “Angel Food 
Cake,” and said, “It is good.” Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food.” 

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. 

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. 

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest. 

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created Cuts to the Health Care System. 
Amen

I’m switching it up (kinda), and I wasn’t happy with just one list, so instead I did 3 .

 

 

10 Reasons I get up in the Morning

I’m mostly taking this from a school day perspective . These are not necessarily true at the same time.

1. I don’t want to be swamped with make-up work/homework/etc (sad, but true)
2. I enjoy seeing my friends and socializing.
3. I [generally] enjoy my classes
4. I like to listen to this talk show in the morning and I can only listen to them if I get up. (I feel pathetic saying that LOL)
5. I’m cold and want to be warm and I have to get up and put clothes on.
6. I feel well-rested
7. I have a free first and I’m excited to get there as early as possible so I have a decent chunk of fun time
8. I’m starving and can’t wait to have breakfast !
9. Something extra special is happening at school that I don’t want to miss
10. I don’t want to miss whatever happens at school even if it’s not that exciting. I’m a funny kid like that. .

 

10 Books/Series on my Bookshelf (these I am naming off the top of my head, so bear with me)

1. The Time Traveler’s Wife- Audrey Niffennegger (sp)
2. The Memory Keeper’s Daughter-Kim Edwards
3. Eat Cake-Jeanne Ray (this was a gift from a friend )
4. Twilight Sage + the new novella -I had to admit I enjoyed them once, but I totally recognize them for what they are. Literary trash that sucks you in and all that. Plus, I didn’t want it to seem like I’m a snooty brat that only reads adult books (I MOSTLY read adult books, but that’s another post for another day)
5. Septimus Heap Series (And here’s a link since most people don’t usually know what I’m talking about when I reference them)
6. Inkheart Series 
7. Wildwood Dancing-Juliet Marillier
8. Running with Scissors-Augusten Boroughs (sp) [I love this book. It's hilarious. I'd definitely recommend it.]
9. Poetry 180 (yes, I would)
10. The Five People You Meet in Heaven-Mitch Albom (I love him!!!)

 

10 Books I have in my to-read pile (this is an actual pile, mind you. I have other books that I don’t actually have copies of)

1. Kite Runner 
2. Memoirs of A Geisha
3. Leaves of Grass
4. There’s no Place like here-Cecilia Ahern
5. The last Lecture-Randy Pausch (I’m not sure if I’m reading this yet,but as of now it’s still in the pile)
6. The Bright Forever-Lee Martin
7. The Horse Whisperer-Nicholas Evans
8. Love the one you’re with-Emily Giffin
9. Eat Pray Love-Elizabeth Gilbert
10. A long Way Down-Nick Hornby (I have NO idea when I’m going to start reading this. It’s incredibly depressing while at the same time being sarcastic and biting. We’ll see when it happens haha)
11. Etc (yes, there is more )

 

Currently listening: Only Hope-Switchfoot

 

Today wasn’t too bad actually.

I basically know what I’m doing for this art portrait project. I have it kinda sketched out, but it’s basically going to be a whole bunch of symbols/motifs/etc from various classic lit books! I’m gonna sketch it out more this weekend since I gotta stretch/prep my canvas by Monday. I’m probably going to include: Gatsby eyes (then it is more portrait esque lol), wings (unless I’m remembering it wrong I SWEAR that there was a mentioning of wings in The Awakening), a raft and river (Huck Finn), and other stuff that I can’t quite remember right now.

Free.

(If you haven’t noticed, I totally go in order of my classes for the day since that’s the easiest way to remember everything)

Psych was uneventful. We watched movie about perception and senses and stuff.

Another free where I opened my big mouth because I got slightly too comfortable with some people. It was fun even despite that, and I really don’t care that I said something stupid since I’m going to college and my reputation here really doesn’t matter as much to me anymore. Not that I want people thinking badly of me, but really? It doesn’t matter. I’m not coming back and probably not going to a reunion of whatever. *shrug*

Precalc was boring and slightly frustrating. I got a 70 on like a 7 -10 problem quiz because of stupid mistakes. It always happens to me in math. Thank god I only need one year (or semester…something like that) in college.

AP Lit was fine, but a lot of times I feel totally wiped out by the time it comes around. Today was one of those days, sad to say.

Reading and Study Skills was boring and I wanted to gauge my eyes out (haha Oedipus allusion). We did this crappy basic grammar stuff. It was like…death in a box. Anyway, here’s the kicker for the day.

I got let out of R&SS early, so I went to this place where a ton of people hang out.

I see my friends Michaela and Sam, so as I’m talking to them someone calls me over. It’s Christy, this girl who I basically NEVER talk to. Literally, she’s a shitty friend. I’ve tried to hang out with her and then she ditches for her stupid boyfriend. Anyone she’s known for like a month is her “best friend” (I swear). I’ve known her for like 5 years and I’m apparently worth nothing since I dealt with her bullshit for so long and actually put up with it Oh, and let’s not forget that she has a history of only wanting to talk to me when she wants to weasel some sort of information out of me. 

So, anyway!

Christy calls me over and directly out of the blue asks me if I’ve done stuff with Greg. For the record, yes, I screwed up and let him manipulate me (I’m over it, but it was definitely a mistake on my part). That is where I say that I would prefer “I told you so”s be kept to yourselves; I have enough of that crap from my other friends atm. I had to tell my other friend so she knew it was not a good idea to even hang out with me, lest it happen to her.. Anyway, Christy hardly ever talks to me and she has the nerve to ask me this. What do I look like, a piece of shit that you can milk for what you want and when you want it? This isn’t mommy and daddy and this isn’t fast food [insert any other attempting-to-be-clever-metaphor]. I get not having time to talk to friends or whatever, but I’m not the friend that you want to talk to only when there’s something you want to find out. 

Anyway she basically said something along the lines of “there’s a rumor going around and people are saying you admitted it and all this”

I said, “Sure, because it embarrasses him.” 

“But did you?”

I can’t remember what I said, but I’m furious at this point. I roll my eyes and walk away.

Really?

REALLY?

Like, is that any of her business?

I get I was too open with other people, but she really can go fuck herself. NO ONE, and I mean no one, is going to treat me like that. I’m not letting anyone use me like that EVER again.

Back to what my title is.

For awhile I’ve been pondering on the idea that I should ditch a lot of my high school friends. Some, like Christy, are more depressing to have around than anything. Depressing because I always feel like I’m not good enough for her to just treat me fairly. I recognize that she’s like that, but she’s really annoying to be around beyond just that. I deserve friends who treat me better than that and don’t ditch me when either a “better” friend or a boyfriend comes around. Some, like Edward and my other friend Sam, have this snobby rich bitch attitude that really grates on my nerves sometimes. Edward is a friend and whatever, but seriously? He is a pain in my ass sometimes. Like, he definitely has an issue listening to MY side, like on the Greg thing….. Both of them say really snarky, assholeish comments. I don’t think it’s on purpose, but I just don’t know if I want that kind of crap in my life. Yea. I’ll continue to think about it, but I really think that I’ve made up my mind. 

I really want to start afresh.

I know what I’m doing after graduation, and that is basically cutting contact with a decent chunk of my high school friends. That means reevaluating who stays, who goes, and who I need to hang out with before I can decide.

The event with Christy today really confirmed that for me.

I guess it’s just re-looking at my friends and seeing who is actually a real friend, and who isn’t. Maybe I’ll stay friends with Sam. Maybe I’ll stay friends with other people. I don’t know, but I’m definitely evaluating everything after I graduate. I’m pretty done with a lot of people though. THAT is for sure.

I’m proud of myself for saying (and when I do this). It is just to show that I’ve come really far in recent years. I value myself more than I did 2-3 years ago. Yay for self-progress!

Oh yeah, and in more college news…CUTE BOY IS IN MY DORM BUILDING! Yes, I am excited for cute boys .

 

Anyway, night!

I need to do a list post one of these days.

 

 

So, today is easily one of the best days I’ve had in awhile.

I FINALLY got into my Eastern email after calling like 3 different tech support people. When I got into my email I got some awesome emails . I found out that I’ve been placed into the dorm that I really wanted to be in (Burnap Hall). I also got the link for the English placement test that I have to do.

I also added some more future Eastern classmates on facebook . I talked to a decent chunk of those people today and there’s one girl that’s in my dorm. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but since Burnap is a mostly guy’s building with one girl floor…THAT means that even if she isn’t my roommate that I have a friend in my dorm area already !!!! 

There’s someone else that also commented on my wall post that said they’re in Burnap as well, but I haven’t talked to her yet.

Oh, and I had a pretty good conversation with this guy who’s going to the same orientation date as me. 

Speaking of guys, the two guys that I’ve added so far are pretty cute! It makes me happy because I was afraid it would be ugly guys or something :S.

I would be freaking out about life like that. That’s funny!

 

Anyway back to actual sequencing and what actually happened today.

 

My friend went on a really crappy date with my other friend, but it was only really crappy because she did not know how to say no to the guy coming onto her. Well, shit happens I guess. So I had to tell him to back off of her since she was kinda too chicken to do it herself and I value him as a friend and all that.

Then we had a sub in world lit so we (me, Caitlin, Caroline and Laura) half planned half slightly gossiped/talked about all the random things that girls do. Laura mostly felt uncomfortable, but I’m pretty sure she was listening anyway…so I’m not particularly stressed out. Not that I’d be stressed anyway, but yeah!

Psych lunch was not bad, but kinda boring. We have a test Friday and I’m just like…fuck. We haven’t really done all that much, so now my teacher was to be like..WORK IS FUN and give us more work. URGH. Plus we have another book to read. It’ll go really fast, but that’s not the point!!!! I’m so behind in AP Lit reading it’s not even funny. At least she’s not giving us super concrete deadlines with it. I’ll get through the massive amounts of reading that I have, but I definitely regret doubling up on 300 and AP English. I can do it, but it is super annoying, that’s for sure.

Moving on, then I had health. That was actually not too bad. I passed 2 person CPR and I think next we have the AED and then we’re done? (I hope because CPR training is basically all the same shit just adding things on.) 

I’m such a crazy little spaz, but health has become slightly more interesting. There’s this guy, Matt, in my health and AP Lit class. He’s super nice and I really like talking to him. You could go so far to say that I slightly like him, but I dunno about that yet. I’m just happy to follow my wise straight-gay-best-friend’s advice on just talking to him kinda a shitload. Plus, I definitely do not want to rush into anything anymore. I’m done with dealing with rushing into relationships.

Anyway, so we talked a little bit during health, but obviously had to test for 2 person CPR so it just worked out like that. 

After that we kinda on/off talked.

Anyway though, we walked to AP Lit together and we were let out like 10 minutes early so we just kept walking up and down the hall and talking. Maybe I’m totally over analyzing this but we were just kinda talking. 

I mean, it’s probably just a school friendship and all that, but it’s kind of fun.

I’m not getting super involved like with Greg too, so at least I’m ok. I definitely refuse to let guys manipulate me again…THAT is for sure.

Anyway, we went into AP lit and fun ensues (as always).

What else is really funny is that my AP Lit teacher wrote a comment that response I mentioned a few days ago about Pride and Prejudice. I need to read P & P over the summer. I guess I should be flattered that she mostly forgets I haven’t been in the class all year? Either that or she mentioned it as a sidenote? I don’t know. Either way, I’m slightly flattered .

Afterschool I meandered around and hung out with my friend Michaela to avoid the afterschool rush/traffic. We talked about life, boys (as always), and life.

 

One of these days I am starting a countdown for how many days left until college and all that fun stuff !

 

I leave you with a 3/14 PI day appropriate video .

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG7vhMMXagQ

I should go to bed earlyish tonight since I have to get up at like 4:40ish tomorrow so that I can go on a field trip to this awesome thing called the True Colors conference. I’ll probably post some pictures on facebook and whatnot…

What else is new?

 

I had AP review today, and it was actually not that bad. We talked about the open essay question about a novel, play etc. We brainstormed books for it, and I totally realized that The Awakening is my go-to book. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised seeing as I wrote my college essay on it (kinda). 

Then I had another hour or so to kill before school started so I hung out with people (yes, rather than doing work…shame on me :S). Greg was there.  I kinda confronted him and asked him what he has against me. He is lying when he says the only thing he has against me is that I can’t take his kind of humor. I know it sounds immature, but he did delete me off fb. I don’t know. I think the reason I’m more upset about all of this is because it’s another friend I’ve lost ( I mean, I did like him but still) and another person who I’ve just been shocked at the lack of morals etc.

AP lit was fun (well then again, when isn’t it) today. For homework yesterday my teacher gave us a list of words and had us use only those words to write a poem. They actually were from an Emily Dickinson poem that we studied right after and that I’m too lazy to go look at the name for .

I feel really rushed for all the stuff I have to do this weekend and don’t know if it’s a great idea to have plans to hang out with my friends on Sat, but I guess I’ll deal. It’s mostly reading.

I should probably go to bed soonish so maybe I’ll write a more exciting post tomorrow.

Night

http://x81.xanga.com/4ade320275237275488663/b219556786.jpg

I got up at my usual time today even though I had 2 frees and didn’t technically have to come in until almost one. So, I basically read for WLS and Lit until school technically started and then hung out with people during my frees. 

For those that care Persepolis is a graphic novel about the Islamic revolution in Iran and 100 Years of Solitude is a lot harder to explain. I’d say it’s about a family living in a fictional South American town; that’s a vague way of looking at it so deal.

http://x14.xanga.com/8c4b00f3d5ca0275471433/w74890315.jpg

Lol Cats make me happy .

Today was better, MUCH better. 

Um, so I started today by coming in early to read. I got distracted and I did a focus group thing that was….interesting.

Then a critique in art.

Ok, I lack maturity so I’m going to just say nothing exciting happened (which is true) and talk about what happened in AP lit. So, we’ve been reading Robert Frost (who is definitely made of awesome, but I still prefer e.e. cummings to him). Today we went over the poem “Birches”. Needless, since I am kinda immature with all that stuff, I was cracking up when she told us that the deeper meaning was this old guy’s sex life when he was young. Oh boy. Anyway…

 

I got distracted (as always)…

IN CASE YOU MISSED A TITLE….THIS IS A RANT. MOSTLY A RANT. BARELY A RAMBLE.

RANT

RANT

RANT

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

..

 

…

 

….

 

.

.

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

.

.

 

.

I am so mad at my mom and aunt right now. It seems like that is a daily (or at least multiple times a week) occurrence. Today, after my friend telling me that the paper was really wordy and crappy, I wanted them to proofread this mini paper thing I had to do for AP Lit. They were watching The Bachelor -The Girls Tell All. Minutes before I asked for help my aunt was complaining that the show was absolute bullshit and it was a waste of time to watch (no joke). Then, of course, when I’m trying to get help with the freaking paper that I thought was actually okish and now am freaking out about…they keep asking if I’m done reading it and if they can watch their fucking show.

Seriously?

What’s more important: my grade in this class/the possibility of college credit or a fucking tv show? That SHOULD be obvious. That SHOULD be, but apparently my mom and aunt have issues.

Like, I know people are human and make mistakes, but I can’t help but feel frustrated when all I’m asking is for someone to give me a fucking break.

Unlike Jenn, I’ve hauled ass. I’m going to college. I’m waiting until marriage before I have kids. I get other people have different paths in life, and that’s fine, but I can’t help but be mad when people in my family care more about a fucking tv show than something when I am trying to get attention on. I sound like a spoiled brat, but that’s really too fucking bad. It’s not just stuff like this…it’s ANYTHING.

Sometimes I’ll be trying to have a conversation with my mom about something and if her stupid show is on then she’d rather pay attention to taht.

I’m so sick of not being important to people. I have worth and all that crap…what the hell is wrong with like 90% of the people I deal with. That’s mostly talking about family, but still. It’s not fair.

And I swear to God, college is just like a beacon of hope and joy for me. I don’t know what I would do if I had not of gotten into Eastern/another school…I NEED to get away from this household. It’s hard to see that and then I realize when I hang out with my dad and everything. All my life I thought my dad was the crazy one. He has his idiosyncrasies, but nowhere near the level of my mom. Mom hasn’t told me the truth. Mom is who I am closer to since I’m around her…I’m definitely afraid of being a lot of either of my parents…but more so my mom because of how ridiculous she can be. God, this just isn’t even a discussion for today. 

 

And don’t even get me started on Greg.

I am worried about him. I shouldn’t be, but I am. He deleted me off fb, after all. He’s on crutches again and I just wish things could go back to how they were….before he tried and succeeded in manipulating me.

 

And god, now that I think about it…He fucking left me alone. I’m falling apart. 

 

I’ve left things behind a TON lately. I can’t find this packet with Robert Frost poems that I got in AP lit. I’m losing things….It’s because of stress and everything. It’s because my best fucking friend is kinda MIA due to her bf and we don’t really have anything to talk about and she already has enough shit to deal with…Just,I feel like I’m rushing. I feel like I need a better friend now.

Then again, it seems like I OFTEN feel like that.

I keep coming back to college. College will be better. People in Willimantic will be better. I sure hope so. I really hope so. 

I want to get out of here already. I definitely NEED to. I feel like I’ve had my small-town-high-school overload by a TON already. ICK

 

Back to Greg. I want to forgive him, I do. It’s pathetic. And so much about him makes me really mad and makes me want to run around the earth and just keep running and just do tons of physical labor, but (CHEESE ALERT) everytime I see him my heart just like..JUMPS. Pathetic, but whatever. Even if no romantic stuff happens anymore..I just need to set things straight. I feel incredibly jipped by the fact that he’s such a hypocrite. He wanted spaced and told me that HE had to initiate conversations and all that shit.. well EXCUSE me for not letting you walk all over me.

I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not letting him pull anymore bullshit. I’m especially not taking anything seriously of his anymore. Especially since I’m pretty sure he sleeps with random girls and then ditches them.

Apparently, I am too gullible and all that for my own good.

I feel like he hates me, but doesn’t. I feel like he wants to have a relationship (sorry, friendship) but doesn’t. But if he cared he would pursue it, but if he was telling me the truth about being afraid of rejection?

Should I just go for it and randomly talk to him.

I have a glass of mudslide with my name on it. (Literally ALL mine). I wonder if…This is an incredibly bad thought process, but I do wonder if maybe at the end of the week or something that I drink it (at night after true colors and all that) and maybe text him (or i’m assuming my bad judgment would persuade me to text him) and just be like “hey, i’m drunk…what’ sup”  to break the ice. Or I could lie and say I was drunk and not really be. I don’t know.

 

I am like, the QUEEN of being rash lately. At least I’m being intelligent in the decisions that matter, right?

I needed to let that out. That’s my major problem…I wait too long for things to build up. Especially now that everything seems like it’s going a million miles a minute.

ANYWAY!!

In other news:

It’s CAPT week so I get like…pockets of extra free time to do work and read (for English, but still…if I wasn’t a nerd then I would be sleeping in like everyone else I know).

True Colors is on Friday, so I am excited for that. It’s this conference thing where you miss a day of school (which, with CAPT week I will only be missing like 4 REALLY EASY CLASSES !)

I have been craving hot chocolate really badly lately, maybe some for breakfast tomorrow !

 

 

I don’t know what else to say about other news.

 

Thanks for reading, if you actually did. That was nice of you to endure stupid shit for like…..3 sentences of “In other news”. I’ll hopefully be less stressed later to do a better fill-you-in post .

 

night

 

and that was my attempt at being more open and publically journal-y. Let’s see how that goes, right?

I’m not gonna post her picture here. But basically it’s my bffizle/sister from another mister Shadiah. She’s a rock solid source of awesome, “tell-it-how-it-is”, etc.