I’m stealing this from Dan.

@thetheologianscafe

Describe me in one word. If you play along and post I’ll describe you.

Friday: I went to work. I tried to get out early but I asked for the time off too soon so I got out at 5. I went home and finalized all my packing and left my house around 5:30, got gas etc and left to see my bestie Renee. It was my first BIG trip on the high way besides when I went to East Haddam a few months back. Visibility was horrible once I got past rush hour traffic. There was crazy rain and I could basically only see people’s headlights in front and in back of me. I was thankful I got to her house in one piece.

Saturday: We watched lots of Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. I watched hockey too. Blackhawks, Renee’s team, won so that was cool.

Sunday: I visited my old church in Willimantic near Eastern. Everyone was welcoming and happy to see me.  My good friend from there has cirrhosis of the liver and she looks incredibly thin and frail. She’s around 75 so that’s probably to be expected for that age, but still. It concerns me a bit. I hope things can get figured out. I’m not sure what stage she is in. I know early stage can be reversed to an extent. We shall see what happens. I need to be better about calling/emailing her though. All my other friends there look good and are doing well. It makes me happy that there’s more kids there too. That’s really nice .

After church I hung out a big with some church people and then I met up with my friend Jonah from Eastern and we talked about life. It made me think about God’s favor. I told him about how the other day I was talking with someone and gave a really good example. I was like, if I go interview for a job and a candidate is more qualified than me in every way but God wants me to have that job then I’m going to get the job, no matter what. I told him about some of my friends here at home that I am kind of there for but I know they’re not real friends. I mostly feel like I have to model not being a bum and being motivated with a job and school and stuff like that. And that I need to be there for them. There’s a lot of issues there, I just need to be there even though they’ve been kind of mean and exclusive toward me at times. I haven’t seen her in awhile, so we’ll see when we see each other again.

We went to Dunkin Donuts and Walmart and then I dropped him back on campus since he’s an RA for the summer as well as throughout the year. I’m proud of him. I might have looked into becoming an RA if I had stayed at Eastern. The experience seems like it’s an interesting, slightly fun one.

Anywho, after that I rode back to Renee’s house. We watched more Justice League, but then we decided we wanted to play some video games and stuff. So we hit up her storage unit and we played Arkham Asylum !

Also we got yummy froyo. Mostly because of her sister’s insistence. lol.

Monday:

We finished up Arkham Asylum today. We finished up the episodes of Justice League I hadn’t seen yet. We also watched episode 1 of Firefly, because Renee hasn’t seen it. We’re going to have a few skype dates this week/the next few weeks and watch it and stuff. I’m excited she’s finally getting to watch it with me because I love Firefly!!!!!!!!

So I left after that. I tried calling my dad back before I drove home, he didn’t pick up. So I drove home, but my GPS was evil and wanted to take me on the Merritt and I was like…NO so I had to stop at a Sonic and get directions to another highway.

I eventually got home in one piece.

Started unpacking and decided to see if I could get a hold of my dad since he has a super power. He always manages to call me when I am not available to talk to him. I did catch him. I honestly wish I hadn’t of because it is just so unpleasant. 

I need to do laundry soon. All my clothes that I brought this weekend REEK of smoke. YUCK.

I took my last final on Thursday and I’ve just been working and relaxing and it’s been fun. 

Stuff I want to do over the next couple of months:

1. Go on an adventure. For me, that probably means driving somewhere more than a few hours away. We shall see what happens in that front though. There is some discussion of a road trip. I don’t want to go by myself, so it really depends on whether or not I get someone to come with me.
2. Finish my CNA class and take the exam to be certified and start applying for jobs and find something flexible with an agency or w/e so I can just work Saturdays. My job now is great, but I think it’s really only going to work out for me for summer/breaks. I could still fall back on it for a Saturday especially since I’ll probably make more money but I’d rather get a job in something more relevant to my field.
3. Make significant progress on books I have been working on reading: Les Mis (this is a marathon book to read, my gosh. Hugo drives me nuts with how much he is talking about war and random historical stuff), Discovering the Old Testament (I picked it back up today and realized that I was like over half way through it…power through!), the Bible (rereading it but still, I definitely glazed over some parts on the first read through), On Cloud Nine manual/guide (though I’m not really sure how useful it’s going to be at this point, we shall see what happens in that regard), a bunch of comic books my friend lent me (MOSTLY BATMAN !), and tentatively….the Hobbit and/or Fellowship of the Ring. I doubt it though, seeing as I am only like 360 pages into les mis and it’s literally a brick.
4. Go to the zoo.
5. Go to the aquarium. Possibly the farther away one, but most likely the more local one as I don’t think I’ve been to that one ever?
6. finish my online CPR stuff before my actual class meeting.
7. read ahead in my micro book? Let’s see if this actually happens. Because I’m still debating if I want to buy the international version or not. Tough choices.
8. see more of my lovely niece
9. possibly cook more. I have been procrastinating on buying Tikka Masala sauce for Indian food. I also have an Indian grocery store at my disposal. I need to take advantage of that.
10. Sad to say, but I need to finish season 9 of grey’s anatomy. lol
11. buy all the nursing supplies ….but I won’t get that email until June.
12. final grades. I did well in anatomy, but I still don’t have my English grade.

I lost focus on this. I’m cleaning out my computer because it’s getting to be slooooooooooooow.

Sometimes being human surprises me. That’s probably a weird thought, but it is what it is.

I get really jealous sometimes.

And I know it doesn’t always matter.

But at my first “real” job, a guy that got hired at the same time as me became a shift leader and had his evaluation before me (actually, I never had mine because I quit before the boss could bother, but I was definitely due for my eval). Maybe it was because I was in high school still, but I remember feeling like my work wasn’t appreciated. Or like I wasn’t good enough. But it was like “why not me?” why didn’t I deserve to do better?Wasn’t my work good enough?

And I thought I would never get that feeling again. I would have been happy if that were the case.

My job now is great. I love it. I love working with the kids. I love the people that I work with. There is nothing I’m not ok with being there. I don’t feel like I have to break my personal convictions.But I feel it again. I feel jealous. And I know it’s stupid. But there’s a guy who is working there with me who came back over break. He started there at the same time as me (well, probably like a few months before me…I’m not really sure to be honest but I know that we’ve both been there almost a year now). But right now, he’s doing stuff. He’s testing kids, he’s scoring tests. He’s also helping with the interview process on Saturday. And even though we were both trained in the math program recently he’s doing it with a student before I get to. Maybe it’s just because we don’ have that many math students, but still. It hurts. Maybe I’m over thinking it. I mean, I’m doing my CNA class on Saturdays right now so it’s not like they could have asked me for the interview stuff anyway. Maybe there was only room on the schedule for one new person to work with a math student. Maybe it’s because I’m still in school for this week. Honestly, I don’t know. But I get kind of angry and jealous when I see it. I wish it was me.

It’s stupid. Because I don’t even want to score tests or give tests all that badly. And even though I was dying to learn the math program…now that I know it it’s like…ok this is cool but I don’t really see what the big deal was. I don’t know what it comes down to. I believe that God provides me with a job. Maybe I should be better about believing that I am working for him and ultimately whether I get to learn more things here is up to him. That he’s got his hands in it. Because deep down that’s what I know. That this is where I’m supposed to be for right now, that it has been a good source of income, that it doesn’t matter if I get to do more because I have a better job than most people my age, that this isn’t where I want to be the rest of my life. That it’s easy for me to get jealous, but I don’t even really want to do the stuff he’s doing. I mean, I kind of do but mostly I don’t. I want to work with students more than anything else here. Working with the kids is fun. Scoring sounds interesting but just like crazy busy work.

I guess the point is is that I told myself I would stop comparing myself to others and that is exactly what I am doing right now.

I have so much that I need to be more grateful for:

1. I am in a kick awesome nursing program that didn’t let in all that many people
2. I am still alive
3. I have a job.
4. I get to even go to school.
5. I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend that has stuck with me even though I’m crazy sometimes
6. I have a car
7. I have the ability to even work. I think about that sometimes. How cool is that? God gives me the health and the ability to be able to have a job to provide for my needs. That’s awesome!!!
8. I get really angry sometimes because my family is dysfunctional, but I have a family at all. Both my parents are alive.
9. I have a really great best friend. Even though I don’t see her that often. We go awhile without talking and then we talk and it’s like nothing happened. If I ever miss Eastern it’s because I miss getting to see her.
10. every new day I’ve been able to get up for.
11. There is more to be thankful for than I could ever list.

It doesn’t matter if I learn more things here or not. It matters that I do my best, focus on my life/not comparing myself to others, and trust what comes will come.

I’m probably over thinking this like I do everything.

1. It was a year ago yesterday that I interviewed at my current job that I also worked at over the summer. I applied to a lot of other jobs last year, but this was the only one that I interviewed at and actually got!!! 
2. I have a birthmark in the shape of an octopus on my right knee.
3. My favorite dessert is ice cream. Lately I really love vanilla bean !
4. I cried on father’s day last year because my dad is not really in my life the way that he should be and everyone in church was celebrating how great their dads are.
5. I have a shameless love of Grey’s Anatomy. I recognize it is totally inappropriate with all its drama and stuff, but whatever, I enjoy it for what it is, an escape from reality.
6. I haven’t had peace for awhile, but with the craziness that happened this past week and the uncertainty that came with it I’m feeling a little bit better.
7. I credit a lot of the changes in my attitude (eg: being more positive in my attitude toward things) to a few things over the past couple of years: my faith, Kandee Johnson on youtube, my boyfriend, and surprisingly my current job. My job is all about finding something to praise in kid’s behavior and mistakes. It kind of has a way of rubbing off into normal life. 
8. My last week of classes is this week. My favorite systems from Anatomy I/II combined are probably the nervous system and the endocrine system. But I don’t really want to be a system specific nurse. I think I want to work with pediatrics. I’m not sure if I want to do a specific unit, but I really like the idea of working with a good variety.
9. I’m kind of bad at resenting people. Mostly within my family. If they do stuff I get really angry for awhile. It sucks. I’m trying to get better with it.
10. I learned the math program at my job recently. I thought I was really bad at math, but I am not as bad as I thought because the way that we are supposed to teach people is the way I do it in my head .
11. I have a meeting with a nursing advisor this week!!! I AM STOKED. Even though I probably know what they’re going to tell me. That I shouldn’t take nursing 101 and microbiology together and blah blah blah. But I’m gonna buy the book soonish and hopefully look at it over the summer before I start class so it should be good.
12. I am dying to drive somewhere roadtrippy. I want to go on an adventure! There was some discussion of going to Paterson,NJ to some waterfall….but I’m not sure. I might go up to Maine this summer. I’m hoping I can shave off the last week or so in August to go on an adventure after my 2 days of nursing orientation ! I don’t know what’s going to happen.
13. I have a scar on my right eyebrow from when my sister hit me with a can. I got behind her as she was putting a can behind her into the shopping cart and she didn’t realize she lifted it up into my face (because she didn’t look behind herself).
14. I found a really awesome swiss gear case at goodwill for $4 today!! I also found something for my mom that she loved! Lol
15. I think the worst job ever for me would be a salesperson. I have nothing against any job as long as it’s honest work. But for me, I would have trouble convincing someone they need something they don’t need. I like helping people with stuff I think that they need or stuff that they do need. Hope that makes sense. 
16. I have O+ blood. I think that’s the most common blood type? I don’t remember right now.

So I had my 2nd CNA class this weekend! I think it’s really cool. I know it’s not nursing, but I know there is a lot of overlap and I’m really enjoying it. I can’t wait for when we actually get there and do clinicals. Today we went over handwashing and how to walk with your patient. It was not too bad. And now I’m going to obsessively practice handwashing for the rest of my life lol.

Also there are people in my class from my area!! That makes me really happy for some reason. bleh.

There is also a guy in my class that looks like Psy. I told him that and he was like “You have nooo idea how much I get that now!” LOL!!!!!

Also, obligatory picture of me in the required scrubs we have to wear to class!! They are HUGE. I’m too tall to get the smalls, so the medium is swimming on me!!!!!!!!!