Yes, I’m totally jumping on this bandwagon.

 

Forgive my lack of being creative with picture taking. Also, forgive my camera whore-ness. I don’t do it very often so I need to indulge sometimes.

 

http://xxrockxxxgirlxx.xanga.com/photos/32b91275433559/

http://xxrockxxxgirlxx.xanga.com/photos/23f43275433560/

http://xxrockxxxgirlxx.xanga.com/photos/b52f0275433561/

http://xxrockxxxgirlxx.xanga.com/photos/ad517275433562/

 

1. I like most colors for different reasons, but mostly wear black. I’d definitely consider blue and purple my favorite colors though.
2. I’m really hard on myself about a lot of things such as: quality of the work (whether it be English, art etc) I produce. I’m trying to chill out a little.
3. I would definitely consider myself pretty artsy, but since I’m hard on myself I would not say that I’m really good at it. I have a deviant art which I don’t update as much as I should, but maybe one of these days I’ll link it.
4. I used to want to be a vegan baker and own my own bakery.
5. Now I want to be a high school (or middle school) English teacher.
6. I’m going to Eastern Connecticut State University in the fall .
7. Currently, I’m reading 3 books (at the same time). First, Persepolis, a graphic novel about the Islamic Revolution in Iran, for World Lit Seminar. Then, 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (forgive me for not putting in the accents) for AP Lit. I’m also reading Pinocchio for fun since it was free on google books. I actually really like all of them (despite the fact that Pinocchio is really easy and obviously kiddy ).
8. I have 3 siblings: my sister who is 5 years older than me, my stepbrother Ty who’s 4 years younger than me, and my stepbrother Andrew who’s 9 (no more math haha)
9. My favorite tv show is No Ordinary Family. I also watch Glee, but I recognize that it is not a quality show LOL.
10. My middle name is Joy. I don’t really feel like it fits me.
11. I’d rather be warm than cold.
12. I can’t choose a favorite book, but I guess I could list the decent books that I own. (that’s for another day, I think) 
13. My favorite movie is the musical Rent. I have watched it a lot and know it really well. It’s kind of my go-to movie. Next in line would be Pirates of the Caribbean for the same reasons.
14. I think everything happens for a reason and am kinda spiritual/religious. I would include people in that as well. I definitely think that people
15. I have accepted the fact that what other people think does not and should not matter. If I’m following the law (which I am) the only person I have to answer to is myself and God/a higher power.

 

 

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Funny, I was going to write about how things in my life have been going pretty well.

Well I found out my last grandparent (grandpa) died. I wasn’t close to him, but still. It definitely puts a damper on my “I’ve been kicking ass in my life” attitude.

I’m still going to write about that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back up for a sec…

so my week has been pretty uneventful, to say the least. Mostly it went by really slowly.

I recently started working out everyday: lifting weights, doing cardio etc. I’m really happy that I’m getting back on track with being fit and active. My mom wants me to tell her how much weight I’ve lost, but I don’t care about that. I care about the fact that I’m happier (not to mention healthier) for exercising. I’m proud of myself for taking the initiative, among other things that I’ve done (taking 2 English classes and challenging myself with AP lit and 2 10 page papers, college stuff etc). It’s another thing I can be happy with myself for.

I was kinda upset for awhile. I decided to see if my mood was linked to my sleep. Apparently it is. I’ve been consistently getting 8ish hours of sleep, and I find when I deviate from that (more so in the lesser direction) I’m cranky/irritable/easily upset/more negatively emotional.

I’ve also kind of backed off from the Greg situation. I refuse to let anyone change me in the future. I change for myself. I change because I want to. If people don’t like who I am and all that….TOO BAD. I’m human, and I generally have good intentions so people who are crappy will just have to pop off (wow, I’m not ghetto at all…but that is amusing to say.)

Oh, and I mentioned English before. We took a practice AP (well, the open response essay) in Lit today. I’m surprised. I felt like I did ok, but at the same time I’m really nervous that I got a really low grade :S. Either way, I guess I can say that I tried my best, right??

I am really happy that I’ve been blessed with the English teachers I’ve had. My teacher for AP lit is so encouraging. I wanted to know what the deal was with the practice essay thing we took today. She gave me the AP practice book. She went over the test with me. I mean, I guess these things are to be expected since I joined her class in the middle of the year, but still. I just feel like I’m really being welcomed into something that is right up my alley and what I’ve wanted to be apart of. I feel like I am making up for all the time that I should have, could have etc. I don’t know. Even though I’m intimidated by all the smart people in the class…I’m happy that I am finally in the class. Better late than never…Anyway, bad tangent. My teacher basically encouraged me to take the AP and all that. I guess she wouldn’t have said that if she didn’t feel that I was capable. Things are weird like that, I guess. Too much rambling and not enough going onto other things.

I have February/winter break this coming week, so it worked out well in a weird way that all this stuff is happening. I have a lot to do. I have to write some essays for a few local scholarships. I have to work on 2 art projects. I have to read a book and take quote notes on this book I found for my AP lit paper.

It’ll be kind of overwhelming since my grandpa died and I’ll want to be with my dad, stepmom, and stepbrothers.

I hope I figure this whole ordeal out. I definitely need to.

I was hoping to go to a pilates class tomorrow but we’ll see what happens…especially since I screwed my bedtime up again by being up late again today. Oh well :S.

 

I feel like I haven’t written anything in awhile. Probably because I’ve neglected my xanga.

The makeover on Sunday was fun, but it was also rather horrendous. Greg and Michaela made me go to Victoria’s Secret, and try random stuff on. I also had to try on this tight green sweater…UGH. It was rather traumatizing. I ended up getting this greyish shirt that says “LOVE” on it. With Valentine’s Day coming up it’s rather appropriate . I’m wearing it to a Valentine’s Day rave the Saturday BEFORE V-day. I’ll see what happens I guess.

Anyway. 

Monday was rather uneventful.

Tuesday was pretty good. We had an early dismissal so we got out at 10:30 and each class was only 20 minutes long!

I had to watch this bleh, but important video on using a rescue breathing mask thing for health. AND GREG IS IN MY HEALTH CLASS NOW! AND MY WEIGHT TRAINING CLASS NEXT QUARTER. SUCCESS ! That also means he’s in my free when he doesn’t have a science double. EITHER WAY. YAY!

In other news, I went to my first ACTUAL AP Lit class. I was doing the work, but we dropped and my schedule still needed to be properly fixed. So now it’s fixed and life is good. It was definitely different (I have been utilizing alliterations way too often lately), but I think once I get used to the shock and everything…maybe even have a little faith in myself that I’m going in the right direction…It’ll be good. I feel like my brain is being stretched to the max in AP, so I guess that is goodish?

Today was ANOTHER snow day. It is our 5th snow day (literally) and now because of this FUN we are not getting out of school until June 17th. I have given up hope on it being anytime soon that we get out. Plus, I know snow days are not prevalent in college, so I am enjoying them while they are still a possibility . Bring it on either way I guess.

Tomorrow I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I am rather excited to be done with Faulkner soon seeing as that probably means writing a paper…which will probably be an exercise in overthinking, procrastination, and literary fun-ness (I should have been fresh and said something where I could have used FUNNER just to make myself cringe when looking back on this. On purpose grammar mistakes entertain me.)

It’s almost Friday, and things are continuing to be pretty good

 

Currently listening: Sunday Morning by Maroon 5

 

So Friday turned out to be a really great day. They let me go into AP Lit, so I’ve been working on that fabulous homework all weekend. I had to read up to page 113 in The Sound and The Fury by Faulkner. Now I have to write on this prompt:

AP English Literature and Composition:  1-2 pages typed MLA format
After reading Benjy’s section, answer the following question: 
Explain one of the ideas that Faulkner is trying to convey in the Benjy section of the novel and identify the technique(s) that Faulkner uses to convey that idea.  Be sure to discuss how the form and function work together to communicate meaning. Due Tuesday, 2/1.

I’m having FUN with that because Faulkner is so complicated that I almost feel like I’m bullshitting something or that the idea I’m picking is TOO obvious. Oh well. I’ll make it work. I have a little over a half a page, so I think I’m almost done since I just have to talk more about form and function and a little more elaboration on the idea that I believe Faulkner is trying to convey (I say I believe that any interpretation is valid as long as there is viable text etc. to back it up).

I’m lucky that my write-up thing for English is due Tuesday because I’m going to the mall tomorrow and getting made overish. I have a crappy dress sense, and 2 of my friends are taking it upon themselves to make me buy nice clothes. I already have heard that they are going to make me buy a push up bra, spandex, and other tight fitting clothes. It’ll be fun, but I’m rather sad since I know it will make me super uncomfortable.

Overall I would say this weekend has been pretty amazing.

I feel like I’ve come really far and all that stuff. More so academically than anything else. Freshman and Sophomore year I didn’t try. Last year I buckled down, and recently I just really felt like I can do anything. When I put my mind to things I go far. When I really try and put the effort in things work out. I just need to give myself more credit in general. Either way, look at me now! I’ve come far. I’m really happy with where my hard work and effort has taken me. AP Lit is hard (or at the very least Faulkner is hard), but I’m enjoying picking my brain about it. I kinda like it when things make me have to think instead of just being right there.

I guess that’s it for now. Maybe I’ll post pictures of the stuff that I buy tomorrow.

So, I went into today being pretty happy. I’m a second semester Senior, and the reality is really hitting me that I have about 4 months of school left.  I was smiling up a storm because of that.

Also, Greg came back to school today. He was supposed to stay for a partial day, but since we ended up leaving early due to an early dismissal (related to the tons of snow) he just stayed for the whole day. I ran into him a couple of times. So, it was nice to see him even though it’s hard to explain how he’s kinda different at school. Even though we’re not dating…he hates PDA and is afraid of people in some sense so that probably explains why he wasn’t as friendly or whatever thing you want to call it.

I had precalc first today. UGH. We’re reviewing Algebra II for ALL OF 3rd Quarter. I have to pay attention because that’s how I am with math, but I’m going to be bored OUT OF MY MIND. Oh well. That’s my life I guess.

Then I had advanced art. My art class this semester is HUGE. I’m surprised. When I took the class you have to take before you qualify for Adv. Art I was in a class of literally 8 people. There’s probably about 20ish people in this class. It’s ok though. I’ll make it work somehow, I guess. I’m really excited though because we’re going straight into oil painting. I’m by no means a great artist, but I really like working with oil paints. If I must paint…then it will be with oil paints. I’m picky. Sometimes I like painting and sometimes I don’t. But either way if I paint it will be with oil paints. And I’ve definitely found that I really suck at pencil drawings now. I don’t like dealing with them anymore. I’m just used to (and I prefer) working with color.

Before I tell what happened during my free, I want to give some back story.

I’ve actually been doing some thinking about things. Last year around this time I took the placement test to try to get into the AP Literature and Composition class. I found out in about May that I wasn’t accepted into the program, but when we talked to one of the people from the English department I could have probably appealed and still been put into the class. But the problem was that my scores were slightly lower than they were supposed to be to get into the class. By slightly lower I mean only 1 section lower. If I remember correctly, for example, my grammar score was a 4 out of 6 when it is technically supposed to be a 5 or 6 out of 6 to qualify. I still could have taken AP Language and Composition, though. For God knows what reason a person can qualify for that class by just having a B+ or better in American Lit.  There were a couple of reasons I did not take that class, though. When I spoke to the English teacher about it I told her that I’m not good at writing essays in timed constraints. Apparently that is a big part of the AP class/the exam. I figured it was for the best that I just not take it.  Then I had the job at Robeks and definitely would not have been able to take on an AP while having an asshole demanding boss who demanded hours on a whim…

Anyway, recently I found out that the people in AP Language study MODERNIST/POST MODERN etc writing that kind of picks up where our American Lit class left off. I was SO mad. American Lit was fine, but I wanted to go further with the stuff we learned at the end of the year; unfortunately we didn’t .

Fast forward to the end of first semester. I’ve gotten most of my exam grades back. I got an A for my math exam and an A for the semester, an A in Law and Gov, and an A/A- in Brit Lit. As I reflect on the semester that just went by I realized how little work I’ve actually done. Or rather how I’ve done all that’s expected of me, but I want more. I haven’t really been challenged by the classes I want to be challenged by. Mostly, that means English. I should have just taken AP Language instead of being afraid it was going to be overwhelming or something. ICK.

Moving on!

Now back to what I was saying.

Usually, during my frees I go to a specific room in my school that has couches and is all around cozy or whatever. Sometimes, however, my school hates me and decides to close said room. Today was, unfortunately, one of those days. Instead, my friend Caitlin and I walked around the school. I ran into my English teacher from last semester. While Caitlin did whatever on the computer I chatted with my former teacher about English-y stuff. A long time ago I heard something along the lines of “you know it’s a good conversation when you don’t quite remember what you talked about”. I would definitely apply that to the conversation we had. We talked about books we’ve read. I think I mentioned the 5 or so books that are on my to-read list. I mentioned to her about the fact that I really enjoyed Brit Lit, but hated that I wasn’t really challenged. To say the least, we had a pretty decent conversation.

The conversation is not what I wanted to highlight, though. Something she offered to me, is.

What I do want to say is that she mentioned I should come into her AP Lit class. She even welcomed me to potentially do it for pass/fail credit. Unfortunately, I have reading and study skills that period. I told her that and she still made it sound like I could try to get permission to come into her class.

Basically, I could go into the AP CLASS THAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO GO INTO, potentially (most likely) for credit!

I rushed to my guidance counselor, waited for a LONG-FRICKIN’-TIME because it’s the beginning of the quarter/semester and everyone is there, and talked to her about it. She emailed my English teacher (the one I referred to above) and my reading and study skills teacher. So, assuming that my guidance counselor gets a quick reply…I’ll hopefully be able to switch out of boring-as-hell/ not-even-technically-a-class reading and study skills into something more interesting.

Anyway, after that I went to lunch, kinda and went to World Lit Seminar and then went home.

And here I am, being lazy and all that. I guess that’s how I spend my day. I keep getting distracted otherwise my blogs would not take 4 hours to write (or however long I have been writing this on and off). Maybe I’ll read a little bit later.

I took my last midterm (well technically final since it was only a one semester class) today. It was for my British Literature class. The class itself was not really that hard in general, but I studied what I needed to study so I felt like I was pretty prepared. Well, except for the essay that we had to write, but I think most people in my class felt that way so I’m not particularly concerned. PLUS, what’s her deal?? She already put our final grades up for 1st semester…does that mean she isn’t even grading our exams? I don’t know, but I guess I’m just not the type to stress about exam stuff when  I studied and didn’t have to work very hard in general.

Since I only had that one exam today…after that I went home, cleaned my room like a madwoman, threw stuff out etc and then took a nap.

It was kinda a lame nap, but whatever. After my nap I made a collage with some old magazines so I wouldn’t feel as bad just throwing them out. I did that for like 2 hours and then I had pizza before I went to a BORING AS HELL MEETING ABOUT MY SENIOR INTERNSHIP. OI VEY. That was lame. All they did was answer questions and stuff and it was just stupid and I basically knew what it was about….at least I’m going to be doing the internship though. THAT is what’s important and all that really matters. This internship is this unpaid thing that basically gives me something to look forward to 2nd semester. If I don’t work hard and if I fuck around in school then I have NO chance in hell of being able to continue in the internship program. Plus, this working hard has the added benefit of making sure my acceptance to Eastern doesn’t get revoked when I send my final transcript.

Um, that’s it for today, I think. 

Funny how little I did today, and yet today has seemed like an incredibly long day.

Anyway, tomorrow is make up day and I’m going over my friend’s house with a group of people and we’re…watching movies? I’m not sure. We shall see what happens I guess. ‘Night.

So I found this book, The Little Zen Companion, it has a lot of cool quotes

 

 

 

“I’m not young enough to know everything – JM Barrie

The nature of God is a circle of which the center is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere- Empedocles

Love God and do what you will- St. Augustine

Our life is frittered away by detail…simplify, simplify-Thoreau

If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark- St. John of the Cross

Every exist is an entry somewhere else-Tom Stoppard

Everyday is a good day– Yun-Men

 

We consider bibles and religions divine—

I do not say they are not divine,

 

I say they have all grown out of you,

and may grow out of you still,

 

It is not they who give the life, it is you

who give the life,

 

Leaves are no more shed from the trees,

or trees from the earth, than they are shed out of you

Walt Whitman

 

I have nothing to say, I am saying it, and that is poetry-John Cage

Anything more than the truth would be too much-Robert Frost

 

To ask the hard question is simple–W.H. Auden

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I’m getting sick and tired of having so much crap around my house….so I have done a major clean up…but I’m kinda a packrat…so here’s some of my old writing so I can throw the sheets of paper that I wrote this crap on….

I think (I’m pretty sure) this is from my sophomore year of HS.

Forgive me for it being shitty at times…I wrote these and maybe looked at them once.

~~~

This one kinda creeps me out…but yeah. I think I was going for some creepy vampire deal, so I guess it worked.

 

Be waiting. I’d like to turn your insides out. And out. And out some more. What’s next?….I’m only ready to see you…and me. You and me. I’ll play this dance. Spin around yourself. My mind can’t help but wonder to what secrets lie behind those ideas. I have a key, but you’ll have to wait to find out what it is, and where it goes. This key gleams, and you’ve never seen anything like it, I promise you. I’ll twirl my clock around you, envelope you in it. Take you to my place. You’ll put up a struggle, but you can’t fight me for long. I’ll be in you. Seething in your face. In a way you’ve never seen it before. My eyes will lock on yours. And the dance will begin again. This time there is no struggle. ME around you. You enveloped in the cloak twirling around me. Around and around. And then I pull out the key. IT gleams in the light. You can’t be scared. My eyes have trapped you and you can not think. Just mindless feeling numb. Not wanting to be taken. And don’t you worry, you will be my dear, you will be. The key clicks in your heart. A twist and a groan of the hinges and it’s all open for me now. It’s all a blur after this I’m sure.  Your death will be short lived. A changeling I’d like to call you. A changeling that would only feed on me.

~~~~~~

I think this poem’s about C, but I have NO clue to be honest.

 

there’s something I don’t understand,

you

 

There’s a music to your name

music followed by a crash

and burn

 

because of some imaginary thing

you don’t know, do you?

 

play the overrated fake smile

it’s transparent

easily enough

 

do you think nobody notices?

 

I do

…

but I choose not to reward the fool and ignore it

so it withers away like the sad soul it is

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diamante poem

 

Fire

fierce, compassionate

incinerating, loving, smolderiring

between solid and liquid, sonic, calm, rough

biting, falling, licking

crystal sculpture

Ice

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feel

doesn’t matter

what he says

but I do, supposedly

wondering, wishing, holding, hoping, nothing

hearts entwined, but does he even

know? Mirrors lie, to me and him

~~~~~~~

I think I was going for a kinda haiku?

 

nothing silence hope?

can’t see where? hold me  don’t know

anymore stars see me in despair

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I actually remember this one LOL. I was looking up prompts to write to and I’m pretty sure the prompt was “A scrabble game gone terribly wrong”.  I love how I didn’t actually finish it, haha.

 

One minute, calm and silent, Ethel was furrowed in concentration. The next, some of the younglings had a sckermish  about whether or not “Finnish” was a valid word or not. Within an empty 5 seconds, which in reality seemed like 1 really long awkward one, the younglings were throwing scrabble tiles at each other.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

walk on by

look so happy

so free

 

find something or other

to be

 

there’s no sound

not a word

not an escape

just a stare

a hidden “I  hope you care”

 

weights in your mind so obvious to me

you over me

mind throwing me away?

mind stepping over and on me?

do you mind?

 

Mind me,

like I’m some lie

like I’m unholy

mind me and my fail excuse for living

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh god. Pathetic love poetry from my last ex bf. GREAT TIMES HAHA.

 

there’s something in my heart

I need to survive

 

it’s you

those kisses under stars

on boats

in partially enclosed shower stalls

 

skunks

Gremlins

 

we have the world

well, I have you

and you are my world

my one true love {FUTURE KIM SAYS GAG}

whose cuddles never fail

whose smile’s ever present

 

whose words can I arrange?

fitting perfectly 

it’s jumbling

feeling so beautiful in my head

beautiful pianos

and violins{COUGH CHEESY ALERT MY EX PLAYED VIOLIN}

a symphony of my heart

our hearts

and our love

 

it’s times like these I wish I could play you something from my heart

instead of providing you with amateur words

instead of naivety

…

YEAh, I can’t even finish this…it makes me want to gag because my ex is an asshole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love this one!

 

words keep in my mind

something like dead bodies in a freezer

ready to be pulled out and examined at any point

an antymn autopsy

or a biopsy of a sentence;

breathed full of life

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That’s it for Kim’s old writing.

 

 

 

We had YET ANOTHER snow day Friday. My school system is in such a crappy situation. I think we were supposed to get out June 10th and now we’re not getting out until the 14th or 15th? I’m enjoying the days off, but if we keep having them like this…There’s no way that any of us are going to get out of school before the end of June.

I think what’s funny is that the snow day on Friday was due to barely ANY snow, so most people I know (myself included) ended up leaving their houses and hanging out with people anyway.

I ended up going over to Greg’s house, actually. That was pretty fun. We did a ton of random stuff. I kinda helped him make some stew/soup/whatever you want to call it. While I was peeling potatoes he was playfully tormenting me with a huge chunk of some sort of meat. Obviously while cutting it, but I can’t figure out how to word that without it sounding like he was cutting me or something :S. It only amuses me because it was done in good fun because that’s just kind of how he is. *shrug* I think it would actually bother me if it was done in all seriousness.

I think I’ve figured stuff out with him…to the extend that it can be figured out. I’ve liked the musical Rent every since I got to watch it when it came out on DVD. Everything about it is awesome: the music, cast, characters, plot etc. Sadly though, I didn’t really quite understand internalized the “No Day But Today” mentality until recently. Now I get it. Even though it might end badly, even though anything can happen….. I don’t want to look back on him and regret that I didn’t just let happen what happens. I don’t want to look back and wish I could have made a difference and show him that I care no matter what happens. I guess I’m just like that. So now, I guess I’ll see what happens.

Plus, it’s good for me to get out and hangout with people. Otherwise I sit around my house and that’s kinda lame.

So that was my Friday.

Saturday was relatively quiet as well until he randomly invited me over kinda late at night. We just kinda cuddled and watched movies, so I guess that works.

and now it’s Sunday. Still quiet, but I have to study for my English final tomorrow. I had studied a decent amount on Thursday because it was supposed to be on Friday…so I’m probably still in good shape, ya know? I can’t wait to be done with my midterms. It’s gonna be awesome. After midterms I’m going over my friend Edward’s house with some people (Greg included!) and we’re either going to watch movies, play video games, or a combination of those?? I don’t know, but it will be a nice chance to catch up and have awesome sauceness after midterms that were broken up ridiculously due to snow days.

I guess that’s it for now.