I just found this quote today. I believe it. It makes sense to me more than a lot of things I’ve heard. It’s just really hard to open up and take the risk…at least for me. Just thought I’d share it.

~~~~~~~~~

“To love is to be vulnerable.

Happy New Year!

I guess I was just super super low key last night.

As usual I kinda lazed/slothed around and sat on my ass doing very little.  To be honest, I didn’t feel like partying. I wanted to get really drunk,but chickened out because I thought my mom would see me do it (drink a large glass of wine) and I was afraid she’d take away my driving privileges (even though I don’t have any yet).

I was supposed to hangout with some people, but my mom thought I was imposing on one of them because I don’t want to go out after 12. I’m afraid of the drunk people that drive themselves home. I was THISCLOSE to hanging out with Greg, but his mom’s sick so she didn’t want anyone to come over and all that.

Stuff is actually happening with that kid. He’s just kind of like that. But I hung out with him and we cuddled and kissed and it was really really cute. I’m gonna hang out with him again on Thursday…so we’ll see what happens then, too .

I started a yearish long bible reading plan. I’ve wanted to read through for awhile, and now even more so since I had that experience awhile back. It’s going good so far,but I hope I don’t lose track with it now that I am going to have more work 2nd semester :s.

Just a random, but I totally want to do an audioblog…I just like singing and stuff and it’s something I’ve just wanted to do. We’ll see.

How was everyone’s new years?

1. Syren-Angie Sage 1/21/10
2. Looking for Alaska-John Green 1/24/10
3. The Awakening-Kate Chopin 2/10
4. Have a little faith-Mitch Albom 3/10
5. Sea of Monsters-Rick Riordan 3/10
6. Battle of the Labyrinth-” ” 3/17/10
7. The Last Olympian-” ” 3/17/10
8. Looking Backward-Edward Bellamy 2/10 
9. Precious-Sapphire 3/24/10
10. The Great Gatsby-Fitzgerald 4/10/10
11. The Life before her eyes-Laura Kasischke 5/20/10
12. Tuesdays with Morrie-Mitch Albom-5/22/10
13. Running with Scissors-Augusten Burroughs 6/22/10
14. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner-Steph. Meyer 6/22/10
15. The Red Pyramid-Rick Riordan 7/2/10
16. House Rules-Jodi Picoult 7/4/10
17. Love and other four-letter words-Carolyn Mackler 7/4/10
18. Exposed-Alex Kava 7/8/10
19. A Girl’s Life Online-Katie Tarbox 7/14/1
20. Double Identity-Margaret Peterson Haddix 7/18/10
21. Deception Point-Dan Brown 7/22
22. Paper Towns-John Green 7/27
23. The Friday Night Knitting Club-Kate Jacobs 7/31
24. The Devil Wears Prada-Laura Weisburger 8/8
25. The 10th Circle-Jodi Picoult 8/13
26. A Dirty Job-Christopher Moore
27. Marley and Me-John Grogan 8/27
28. Keeping faith-Jodi Picoult 10/4
29. The Queen Geek Social Club-Laura Preble 10/13
30. Beautiful Darkness-Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl 10/16
31. The Longest Trip Home-John Grogan 11/8
32. Hamlet-Shakespeare 11/11/10
33. Jane Eyre-Charlotte Bronte (pretend that theres those 2 dots over the e in Bronte)
34. The Case for Christ-Lee Strobel 12/4
35. The Painted Veil-W. Somerset Maugham
36. Friend is not a verb-Daniel Ehrenhaft

1. Broke up with someone for the first time
2. realized how kickass of a person I am at times
3. learned my sister was pregnant
4. initially hated The Awakening/realism and then after doing close reading of it realizing how I actually liked it
5. Went to True Colors…where I got free condoms, watched Jinx swallow a banana almost whole, and prank called Alicia’s dad
6. learned that it is more important to work on yourself than it is to work on yourself with someone else
7. got my first job
8. took the SATs(x2)
9. went to prom for a second time
10. visited colleges (x5)
11. lost my first job because my boss got a tenant to water her plants for her
12. argued with my mom about driver’s ed 
13. got a job at Robeks
14. made a decent amount of money over a few months
15. waited for my niece to be born and all that fun stuff…then she was born
16. started driver’s ed
17. Got my permit
18. drove with someone who I wasn’t supposed to drive with
19. got “official” driving lessons with my driving school/with my mom
20. turned 17
21. donated blood on my birthday (I later found out that I’m O positive)
22. watched my first rated R movie in theatres , The Virginity Hit, with my best friend (we were the only 2 people in the theatre LOL)
23. realized that trust is really important and that is shouldn’t be given to most people
24. quit Robeks because the boss was a psycho bitch
25. filled out college apps
26. went crazy WAITING on college apps
27. GOT INTO MY TOP CHOICE COLLEGE ! EASTERN ’15!!!!
28. discovered stuff about myself (vagueness is great, no??)
29. learned a lot more about planes/flying that I ever expected to know
30. had a spiritual experience
31. surprised myself by actually liking
32. discovered the amazingness that is the swap shop!!!
33. got forcefully made over by my sophomores
34. realized how important it is to save oneself for long enough to realize who is actually important and will stick around
35. realized how much I like Jodi Picoult
36. stopped caring about who hears my singing
37. felt like singing a lot, randomly in public
38. got my license
39. extended my family to having a older brother figure who’s technically younger than me, younger sister,
40. realized that what you think/know of someone is more important than what everyone else thinks of them.
41. cleaned out my itunes of music I don’t really listen to and revamped it with good music

Did I miss anything??

Did I mention that Connecticut got a foot of snow, my mom won’t let me leave the freaking house to hangout with someone that I haven’t seen in school for like a month or 2, and I’m stuck in the house?

I think that about covers that I’m feeling bored, tired, and lazy. LAZY LAZY LAZY.

Did I mention winter weather like snow that keeps me trapped inside makes me want to sleep? It’s days like these that I think humans should sleep and hibernate like bears. Or have a boyfriend so that they can cuddle.

Speaking of boyfriends. I have a friend who has an online boyfriend. I swear. EVERY conversation we have revolves around her boyfriend, or she somehow mentions him. It irritates me. But at the same time I know I should be a supportive friend so I just kinda shrug it off. Plus, I think I just get annoyed that I see so much of myself in her. I used to think David was the one and it bothers me when she says that this guy she hasn’t met is the one. Not that you can’t meet the one at 15-16 years old, but it’s so unlikely. IDK, am I being cynical? Maybe. I’m still a little screwy, I guess.

Speaking of my being screwy…

Is it bad that I’m like…blah. I just figure give all guys a chance and I’m bound to find someone somehow…right? People are calling me desperate for that, but I hope not. I think part of it is that I like meeting people. Because some of said guys are just my really tight friends (well as tight as you can be with me when I trust very few people.)

I’ve literally sat on my computer ALL day besides getting food.

What a productive life I have.

I feel like there was something else that I wanted to say, but I forget.

Oh well.

Toodles.

Maybe I’ll write something with an actual point later.

So in copying Tuhka (http://ohitwontbeforever.xanga.com/) I am doing this blog.

Ask me questions and I’ll do a video or 2 answering them.

Ask away!

It’s kind of early to do these now but I guess I’ll do them

1. Work really hard 2nd semester and get all my senior internship stuff done as early as possible
2. Try to actually read through a decent chunk of the bible this year. I tried to do that this year and forgot :s
3. Keep a list of books that I read again (that list is coming up later this week, I swear!!)
4. Make a lot of guy friends, without the intention of always trying to make them my boyfriend
5. Try not to always say everything I’m thinking/pretty much being pretty open with everyone
This is going to be really really hard for me. I’m a very open person, but I just realized recently that most people don’t care and don’t want to hear about this. I should probably close up a little. This could be a bad idea too because I’m already pulling away from a lot of my friends but we’ll see what happens.
6. Work on my body image/self esteem issues
7. Work on trust issues
8. Journal consistently! Like at least 2x/week
9. Try to consistently read on weekends…Maybe read a book every 2 weeks or so?
10. Fill up some sketchbooks/do more artsy stuff

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say
One love
One life
When it’s one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don’t care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it’s

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We’re one, but we’re not the same
We get to
carry each other
carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it’s all I got
We’re one
But we’re not the same
See we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can’t keep holding on
To what you got
When all you’ve got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters, brothers
One life
But we’re not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One…
One…

extended version 

Can You hear us coming Lord 
Can You hear us call 
Feel us knocking 
We’re knocking at Your door

I love real trees, but I hate that you can only have them for so long before they die. Hence why I like fake trees. Ideally we put our tree up the day or so after Thanksgiving and don’t take it down until after New Years Day or so. We could never do that with a real tree so go fake !

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

1. I like to write in a journal (well, technically my xanga has become my journal since I’ve been freaking out over personal privacy with my paper journal. I like physically writing a journal better than typing one though.)
2. I am incredibly friendly, but have major trust issues. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone.
3. I’m smarter than people give me credit for, but I somehow always manage to look stupid when I’m talking to friends. I think it’s the fact that I’m high energy and don’t always think before I say things.
4. I have seen Pirates of the Caribbean at least 4x. I’m pretty sure I mean that I’ve seen each one at least 2x. I cannot wait for the new one!
5. I have the most random mind there is. I swear.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!