My ultimate weekend?

Oh boy!

Any of these things, not necessarily together, would be fabulous.

So in no particular order:

1. No homework (or at the very least only having AP Lit reading homework or something)—I’ve literally spent the last 2-3 weekends swamped with homework. This weekend is no exception. I’m working on 10 Page Senior Paper #1, 25 questions that I need to answer about babies (related to my fake psych baby of hell), a math test that I should (but probably won’t have time to) study for…etc etc. Fun, right?

2. A great book (or books) to read—I have a list (and a pile) that I’m constantly adding to. Whenever I can get to reading any of it would be nice.

3. Hanging out with friends—I don’t have any preferences on which friends since I have a few groups I hang out with. I would just prefer that they don’t pull douchebaggery and it would be just fun.

4. Spending a weekend away from my mom/aunt. Is this really surprising to anyone?

5. Going to a movie–I don’t go to movies very often, so I enjoy them when I do

6. Lots of sleep

There’s other fun stuff, but these are fabulous.

   

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I mentioned awhile ago that I was pondering posting an audioblog of me singing.

I’m not professionally trained or anything..I just kind of enjoy doing it.

So here’s that source of fun.

I’m warning you: LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Who I am hates who I’ve been-Relient K

Bottle It up-Sara Bareilles

Sunday Morning-Maroon 5

“Write a blog entry based on the list of ABC questions”

A. Age: 17

B. Bed size: Twin

C. Chore you hate: laundry and

D. Dogs: I LOVE ALL DOGS, but I have a shih tzu and pomeranian

E. Essential start to your day: waking up? haha

F. Favorite color: blue

G. Gold or silver: silver

H. Height: 5’10″

I. Instruments: I played clarinet from 4th-7th grade

J. Job title: Bookkeeper (I like the person that left this before me), Student

K. Kids: NONE

L. Live: CT

M. Mom’s name: Pat

N. Nicknames: Kim

O. Overnight hospital stays: just when my mom fractured my skull
P. Pet peeve: Incorrect grammar, misspelling and made up words on the internet, people who are just super ignorant and don’t care

Q. Quote from a movie:
R. Right or left handed: left

S. Siblings: 22 year old sister, 9 year old step bro, 13 year old step bro

T. Time you wake up: 6:20am/6:30 on weekends

U. Underwear: Hanes? IDC

V. Vegetables you dislike: Beans, Beans, Legumes (haha, get what I’m doing there?), cabbage, carrots, broccoli

W. What makes you run late: MY MOTHER/AUNT/DAD… Getting engrossed in a show, movie or book.

X. X-Rays you’ve had:wrist and ankle

Y. Yummy food you make: I am queen of being able to make recipes . I don’t have a specific recipe that’s my favorite.

Z. Zoo- favorite animal: Koalas,pandas, snowy owl

   

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1. My brain-y qualities that make me decent enough at intellectual things (this could span into a few different things, so I’ll keep it general!)
2. my height (5’10″!!)
3. My natural desire to take care of some people
4.MY TALKATIVENESS (Sometimes this is too much, but I enjoy it most of the time!)
5. My two birthmarks (one on my knee looks like an octopus and the other one on my arm looks like the liberty bell)
6. My spontaneous-hyperish-ness
7. I’m artsy (though I’m not a super super good artist, I would definitely consider myself artsy!!)
8. My eyes
9. It can be really annoying sometimes, but I’m totally a hopeless romantic. I always try to pair up my friends and stuff . Just like with talking…I generally enjoy this!
10. I have a pretty active imagination. This is in the sense that my thoughts race and I always come up with the weirdest “what if’s”. EX: What would happen if there’s a parallel world that all stories in books actually happen? (not a good one, but for some reason I can’t think of them when I have to talk about them :S)

MY SHOW, No Ordinary Family, is on! It’s the season finale tonight…GOTTA GO!

   

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Someone who I was really good friend with my sophomore year came back to visit today.

I haven’t talked to him all that much since he left, so it was weird that he actually acknowledged me when he came back. I mean, I’m friends with him on facebook, but we don’t really talk.

It means more to me than it does to everyone else here, but I just found it interesting to note how my friendships have changed. I’m not close to the same people I was close to sophomore year. I’m not even friends/talking to many of the people I was great friends with soph. year.

I think in the matter of even just a year my friends have changed almost completely.

It never ceases to amaze me how much life can change in such a short period of time.

How’s your life changed over the past days/weeks/months/years etc?

Stuff on my desk that I’m using now:
-a dead ipod classic (I used it as a paperweight)
-a rock (another paperweight haha)
-my nook
-stapler
-calculator
-half working headphones

stuff on my other desk:
-wallet
-rubber cement
-phone
-razr(from the dump…I still need to try to charge it and see if it works)
-The Awakening!

-A beat-up copy of Gatsby(I dislike the previous owner. They wrote handwriting ALL OVER IT with their sloppy handwriting D:)
-jewelry box
-printer
-hand sanitizer
-mirror
-retainers (to keep my teeth straight)
-rock
-vaseline (it makes good chapstick)
-comb
-sketch of a piece I’m doing for art

other stuff-

book shelf w books (sorry for the crappy angle, but my canvas is in front of it!)

my door with scarves and purses

2 “mini” pieces I had to do for art

A piece I’ve sketched onto canvas (you can’t really see it). I gotta work on it more over break.

Walls of art

books I still need to return to the school people

I try to be really open with people about my life. I do my best to tell the truth most of the time (If I say I don’t lie that makes it seem like I’m a pathological liar or something :S) and when it is appropriate. Maybe it’s pointless to do so, but I want to be. I fee like I have to do my best to be when I haven’t always had the best open environments.

I guess I tend to be like that. I try to do what I believe in. Funny, that seems to encircle everything in my life. (I’m not gonna list that out…it’ll distract me).

Anyway.

I don’t know.

Why do I want to be so open with people, want people to care/be nurturing/be non-judgmental? I’m probably expecting too much of people, but whatever.

And thanks a lot all those wonderful Christians out there (not naming names or anything) that are SO supportive of their friends. You know, the ones that run as soon as they find out I’ve made a mistake or that I’m not perfect. Or that I, God forbid, used to [fill in the blank with something]. Pick your friends wisely, I guess.

Oh yeah, and let’s not forget I have this huge desire to love and be loved….even if just in a uber friendship sense. Sometimes I feel like my friends are not supportive enough. Example: They keep bringing up the fact that I didn’t listen to them about Greg. Well, I didn’t listen because I’m stubborn. I’ve am, always, and forever will be stubborn in one way or another. Bringing it up doesn’t change anything and it just makes them really asshole-ish. Which a lot of them are.

Anyway.

I have a bad history of friendships. If this is negative, too bad.

I can’t count the number of times people have judged me harshly, talked shit behind my back, or generally screwed me over after I let them in (or started to).

Just in the past couple of months:
1. Greg-manipulated me into thinking I had a friend who actually cared/was there for me, among everything else.
2. Victor- I thought he was my second chance at a good relationship after David…and now all he’s been doing is constantly bothering me and asking to hook up with me. Gee, thanks! I’m glad I meant so much to you…even as a friend.
3. Christy-I trusted her with my “deepest secret” (something that happened to me a long time ago that isn’t that important, but it is a secret), and she turns out to be the bitchiest, shittiest friend I could ever ask for.
…

I feel like I intentionally close myself off from people sometimes. I feel so awkward around people lately. SUPER awkward. I don’t know what to say, and I feel boring. I’m such a naturally talkative, friendly person and I wonder if it’s just melting away as I get crazier and crazier from this stuff.

I don’t know what to say to people…I wish I did.

I think I have every right to be wary of anyone’s bullshit. I’m too trusting and see too much good in people.

Why can’t more people be supportive of me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always journal about negative things, haha.

I think I’ll probably post something good eventually.

There’s no prompt today??

~~~~~~~~~

A

ANY particulor reason your taking this survey?— procrastinating on an english essay
ARE you at school, work, or home?—–I’m at home.
AGE at which you 1st drank alcohol?—-15-16ish.

B

BOUGHT anything from Spencer’s?=—a rainbow stud belt
BRAVEST person you know?—-me?
BLONDES or Brunettes?—-natural blondes/brunettes

C

CRAPPIEST band?—-Justin Bieber. He’s not a band, but too bad
CAN your dad beat you in a race?—-I don’t know.
COULD you bungee jump?—-I want to eventually

D

DRAWING or painting?—-Painting is easier.
DOES your bedroom need cleaning?——YES.
DO the drapes match the curtains?—-I don’t know.

E

EVER swear at your parents? I swear at my mom all the time. My dad doesn’t care, but I respect him enough not to.
EARN enough to pay the bills? noooo way
EXORCIST or SAW movies? I’ve only see the Saw movies.

F

FLOWERS or chocolate? Chocolate. It’s yummier.
FUNNEL cake or Elephant Ears? Funnel cake
FIRED from a job?Um, kinda. I quit before the psycho boss could decide she wanted to fire me.

G

GIVING or receiving gifts? Both.
GOING to the movies or a play?I want to see Source Code soon.
GONE to the bathroom this hour? I can’t think of it.

H

HAVING or adopting a baby? Adopting would hurt less.
HORSES or cows? Cows
HEAVY or light-weight drinker? I’m a total light-weight. I have the WORST tolerance

I

IS Michael Jackson in heaven? I have no idea.
INSIDE or outside?depends on the weather
INSTANT or regular coffee? I hate coffee

J

JORDAN or Tiger Woods? don’t care
JETTA or Saab? don’t care
JULY 4th or St. Patrick’s Day? both are an excuse to get drunk…i dont’ really care

K

KOOL-AID or Crystal Lite? both are gross
KANGAROO or Camel? yuck, cigarettes
KETCHUP or mustard? I don’t like either

L

LIGHTS on or off during sex? off
LOTTERY scratch offs or Power Ball? either
LIQUOR or beer? liquor

M

MONTH of choice? september (my birthday )
MEAL you cook best? I don’t really cook. I can basically cook anything if you give me a recipe though.
MISS the most: lost friends
N

NEVER would I: kill someone.
NIGHT owl or early bird? both
NOTE to self: I miss you terribly…this is what we call a tragedy…come back to me, back to me, too me (song lyrics, haha)
O

OPEN your own jars? yup
OFFER to help old people? yeaa
ONLY in America: do people sit on their asses all day
P

PERSCRIPTIONS you have now or in the past? I take birth control to keep my period regular.
PAPER or plastic? cash
PRETTY Woman or Sixteen Candles? I don;t know them
Q

QDOBA or Chipotle? don’t know either one
QUIT my job for:sanity
QUANTITY or quality?quality
R

ROADTRIP or flying?both!
RESPONSE to a sneeze?”bless you”
RIGHT or left handed?lefty
S

SIT or stand all day? stand
SMELL you hate?grilling
SUSHI of choice?I don’t like sushi
T

THANK goodness it’s: an E day tomorrow (I have a free last)
TELL me your middle name? Joy
TODAY is: Sunday
U

UNDER my bed is: random crap
UNDERWARE brand? hanes?
USUALLY I sing:random stuff
V

VITAMINS you take?none
VERY much like? food
VACCINES I’ve had:lots
W

WITHDRAWS from:???
WEAPONS I own? I don’t know. I don’t have any technical weapons like guns, but I guess a baseball bat would count.
WAFFLES or pancakes? WAFFLESS
X

X-RAY you’ve had?yeah. I’ve broken my wrist and I’ve had ankle x-rays
X-LOVER’s Name? David
X-TRA toppings of:eggplant
Y

YEAR you were born?1993
YARD sale or goodwill? Both
YELLOW or green?yellow
Z

ZOO you’ve been to? Beardsley (CT), Bronx, Cape May (NJ)
ZACK Morris or Slater? I don’t know them.
ZITS are:gross.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell it all survey

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
I pierced it myself once, but I took itout.

Does a kiss make you feel better?
Sometimes

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
no

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
when I get in

What did you do today?
I worked somewhat on my senior paper and procrastinated on working on it

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
I’ve done it a few times for kicks

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
WTF. Nooo

Have you ever thought about your death?
yea

Ever been in love?
yea

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
permanent relationship. It’s kinda odd to be like that at my age.

What is your favorite sport?
Soccer

What color is your shower curtain?
tan?

Have you ever had stitches?
yup

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
I don’t remember.

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Not really :S

Lyrics stuck in your head?
“Nerdfighteria Island”-Hank Green

Do you like the Red Sox or Yankeess? I don’t really care about that stuff

What are you doing tomorrow?–Going to school.

Who was the last person you couldn’t take your eyes off of? I don’t know?

Have you ever given money to a homeless person? I can’t remember if I have.

Have you ever run over an animal? I hope not :S

What is your favorite cereal? FROOT LOOPS, Kix, Cheerios, etc. I love a lot of cereals.

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter? YES! It’s sooooo good.

What are you doing right at this moment? This

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? I don’t care. Let them do what they want.

Where’s your favorite place to be? with friends/a boyfriend (when I have one)

What’s your favorite song?I have a lot. Right now I like Sara Bareillis’s newest album.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? Alcohol since I hate coffee.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? No, and I thought that’s a drug symbol or something?

Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. I kind of want to. It seems like it’d be fun.

Have you ever been arrested?nope!

Do you dream in black and white? noo

Do you talk in your sleep? sometimes

Do you snore? sometimes

Are you a redneck? I hope not!

Funniest thing you heard all day? Nothing really funny today

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face? yea

What are you afraid of?lots of things

“““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

I don’t like the prompt for today, so I’m going to pick something of my own (if that’s cheating…too bad. At least I’m blogging). I’ve been making a list of things to blog about so it shouldn’t be too bad.

My dad is a pretty big workaholic. Sometimes he even works on Sundays (despite being Catholic, I don’t know what’s up with that). A lot of times I think of my stepmom and two stepbrothers home alone without him. It’s hard for my stepmom oftentimes since she has neuropathy and isn’t very mobile. Plus my stepbrothers are a handful.

Anyway!

I think being a workaholic runs in the family.

People definitely grow and mature over time, and I find that I’ve done so especially with the way that I react to situations. When I first started to handle situations (I can’t think of what age where I actually did start having a problem with the world) I would cry and get really frustrated. I think I might have even tried to talk to my mom/aunt about it. I don’t really remember. The first coping method I really remember is when I self injured. I reacted to situations by attempting to control/suppress my emotions by injuring myself. Obviously that was an unhealthy way to cope. I eventually realized that it was immature to try to control my emotions and found other ways to cope.

Nowadays I would say that I generally try to get my emotions out. Usually that means writing, talking/venting to someone, or more recently praying (I need to be more diligent about that though :S).

I still find that there is a desire to suppress/ignore what I’m feeling. When I do that I bury myself in schoolwork. Not so that I’m overwhelmed, but to an extent that I get too busy to see anyone else. I have to focus and work on my homework/long-term projects, after all.

This isn’t to say that I’m not interested in learning and only use it as a coping method. I love learning about the things we talk about in school. I’m talking beyond that.

I just think it’s interesting to note how I’m somewhat like my dad in that workaholic sense. It’s also funny that I’m hardly around him and I’ve picked up that coping method. Maybe it’s innately in human nature that we try to distract ourselves from things that bother/distress us. I don’t know.

I’m doing the Ultimate Blog Challenge (ultimateblogchallenge.com) in an attempt to blog everyday in April.

Today the personal prompt is: Tell your readers why you blog and what you enjoy most about blogging. You could share what prompted you to start your blog, too.

I’m going to keep this kinda short since I’m trying to start Senior paper #1 :S.

I honestly don’t completely remember why I started this blog. I think it’s mostly because I wanted somewhere to vent and post random stuff. Like I said, I don’t completely remember. I might’ve posted something on it around when I first made it, but I’m too lazy to go look (and most of those early posts are private anyway so I wouldn’t bother looking yourself).

My reasons for blogging have changed over the period of time I’ve been on xanga. I’ve been around for 5 years,so I’d definitely be kidding myself if I tried to say it didn’t. It didn’t get super consistent until the last year or so. Initially, I can’t really remember why I blogged. Now I would say it’s a combination of things. Typically the easiest (and most accessible) things for me to blog about is my day to day life. Oftentimes I make private posts about how I’m feeling if I’m afraid of how my general xangan crew is going to react to whatever I’m feeling/don’t want advice. Other times I post about vignette or general stuff. I hope to do more vignette blogging where I share a memory or moment etc. since I value being able to salvage my past and remember it for what it is. I have a few ideas about where I am going with the general stuff, but I usually get super lazy/run out of time. Basically, I would say that I blog to express my ideas and feelings.

I have a few things I really like about blogging.

1. It gives me (another) chance to talk—I love voicing my ideas about various things. When I’m in the mood for it I tend to go crazy writing comments on people’s posts. It’s not always a long comment, but it makes me happy to be able to comment and stuff.

2.Meeting different people—I know I’m not technically meeting people, but I’m getting to know/socializing with people to some extent. It’s nice to have this little community of friends on xanga that I sort of talk to.

3. It gives me a safer way to journal—More recently I’ve decided to get rid of my paper journals in lieu of some fears I have about them (fire, prying eyes etc). At least I know that my xanga “journal” will be safe from prying eyes, and mostly safe from fire/disasters.

I think that’s it for today from what I can think of.

I’m going to be cheesy like the ish sites and ask/challenge you guys:
Why did you start a blog? Why do you blog? What do you enjoy most about it?