Random, but I feel like doing a list…procrastination at its finest!

1. I have been dying my hair red for past 6 months or so….I have not updated my xanga or facebook profile pictures to reflect that.
2. I am not a good cook. I can make eggs and follow directions on in a cookbook. I have 0 knowledge besides that.
3. I’m left handed.
4. I have very little patience for horrible adults. But I try to be sympathetic because I know that they are horrible because one day they chose to be that way and they probably can’t help it.
5. Today, on my anatomy quiz, I doodled in the margins. I made my pancreas doodle into a fish and the liver into a pirate hat. My teacher found it moderately entertaining. It was random and it entertained me while I waited for the next question. 
6. I’m really horrible at the bible. I suck at being consistent in reading it. I suck at interpreting it. I suck at it overall. I’m working on it, but fyi, I suck.
7. I’m incredibly dependable, but I think it’s mostly for my benefit rather than yours. I’m afraid of the consequences if I don’t go to class on time or whatever. My brain runs about it so it kind of keeps me in check.
8. I used to be afraid of the highway. I know I’ve mentioned that before, but I am happy because today when I got on the highway I was like OH MY GOSH I’M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE. It happened awhile ago, I just noticed today .
9. I’ve never driven in my car outside of CT. I drove in my dad’s old saturn in Delaware with him, but only for like an hour. So I can amend this and say I have never crossed state borders as the driver of the car. I want to go on a road trip at some point, but we shall see.
10. I am a huge girly girl. I LOVE dresses, fluffy animals, babies, etc. The only thing I don’t really like is flowery prints. I am very picky on those.

Also, I’m stealing this from Nightcometh.

Things are moving forward lately, which is great.

1. I’m in anatomy II and english this semester. I’m doing well!
2. I’m working part time ~20hrs/week.
3. I’m starting my certified nurse’s aide class next Saturday. I’m not 100% sure it is a good idea, but I know the experience will be helpful background for nursing 101 in the fall. So even if I don’t get a job it’s money well spent. It’s kind of a trip too, so at least I’m getting more highway experience, right? Win win. 
4. I get to register for nursing 101 may 1st!!!
5. I’m working this semester, which I already said about, but I am going to stay basically full time again for this summer. I am so fortunate and happy that this has worked out for me again. Even when I get bad kids I love being there.
6. I’m taking CPR in June. It’s partially online, so I hope that means it’s easier for me to pass it…..
7. I have been working on making my wardrobe less  hoody/tomboy and more work appropriate/girly/things I feel good about wearing and am not just wearing to cover up how I feel fat. I’m pretty girly. I want to wear more nice things, even besides the fact I need more work clothes. A possible outfit related post might come up one of these days. Anyway, I bought 2 pairs of flats recently! A sparkly silver pair and a memory foam sole pair. I LOVEEEEE SPARKLY FLATS OMGOSH. 
8. I switched back to my old phone, enV 3 because my samsung intensity II was not very intense anymore. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have made that joke, but basically it was being crappy. Hopefully my enV behaves because it was having some issues before I upgraded to my intensity. We shall see what happens!!! I have an upgrade right now if I really need to do that, but I’m trying to wait because I loved my enV and the new nonsmart phones are incredibly cheaply made.

But I also feel like I’m not doing well enough at other stuff….

Things I feel like I’m failing at

1. Setting boundaries with my friends. I still need to get my old laptop back from Emily. Stephen and Michaela constantly ask me to hangout when they know how much I work and try to catch up on the weekends. They’re not bad people, they just don’t have anything outside of school to worry about and I don’t think they realize what I have going on. Maybe I’m just very focused on what I know I need to do for my age whereas most people my age are like “friends, screw school?”. I’m not really sure what it is, but it might have something to do with why I tend to be around older people.
2. Forgiving people. I’m still kind of raw from what some of my friends have said to me in the past month or so. It’s blown my trust in them. It makes me want to just be like “You don’t have my back” and say bye. But I know I can’t do that. It just shocked me what was said and I am struggling to get over it. I know I can forgive and get over it at separate points but I’m just bleh.
3. Loving people. This kind of goes with #2. I wonder if maybe I’m stretching myself too thin and if I shouldn’t just love my friends that have hurt me from a distance so that I don’t have to be so angry when they cause drama and make life obnoxious when we hangout. I feel like that’s giving up on them. Like I’m saying I don’t accept them as people. And it feels like the wrong thing. But I also feel like Emily makes things all about her and literally never asks me anything about me when we hangout. It’s fine, I don’t mind that she needs someone to talk to or whatever, but I can’t do that all the time. I need people who have my back. And now I’m kind of at the point where I know she doesn’t have my back so I can’t trust her even if she did ask me about how I’m doing. So I’m kind of at the point where I’m like, maybe distancing myself is the best thing right now. I am pretty busy anyway, so it’s not like I’m lying about the amount of stuff I have to do.
4. Keeping a safe distance from my family. When I decided to come back home I said I would spend more time at the library studying. Now I am just kind of either at school, work or home. So, so much for spending more time at the library to get away from them. I have my own room so it works out, but yeah it’s kind of lame. Probably next semester. We shall see.
5. Working out. I am really trying to get in shape and lose weight. I’m trying to eat better. I’m trying to workout. I have a gym. But my work schedule is so unpredictable that I’m just kind of like…bleh. and a lot of times I lose the motivation to go. Maybe I need to be harsher with myself and post the bad stuff that happens when you get overweight/have related health problems. I need to stop being lazy.

What’s going on with everyone?

As most of you know, I live and go to school in Connecticut. Fortunately, I don’t live in Newtown/was not directly affected by it in anyway (although I do know someone from Eastern that is from there, we are not close so I don’t know how much it impacted her). The only way that the Newtown massacre has impacted me has been with all this talk about gun control. There’s possible gun control laws that could be passed locally in CT and there’s also national ones that failed to pass today.

What I am about to talk about is related to that.

Four months later my school has decided to do something to “crack down on security”.

I bet you’re excited to know what, right?

I’ll give you a second to think about it/guess what it might be before you read below.

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Before the change I am about to talk about happened, we had security guards. They basically walked around campus, unarmed and did nothing. Now, in an effort to “increase security” they are only having the main entrances of the school open during most of the day. The security guards are still unarmed. Someone told me today that the guards are not allowed to touch anyone if something like a fight breaks out. I spoke with a security guard today about the new changes and he said that the dean specifically did not want them to be armed. 

I respect the fact that the school is trying to make things more secure. I also recognize that the likeliness of someone coming to shoot up people at a community college is low, at least I hope it’s low. But I can’t help but feel like the measures they are taking are totally pointless.

Ok, so if I want to shoot up the school I have to go through a main entrance. Or I get there earlier and go through a side entrance. But if I have a gun a bunch of people are going to die either way. Obviously a person would eventually run out of bullets, but still. By the time the police got there, multiple people would have already died/been wounded. Honestly, it makes me feel a little unsafe that the dean cares more about some democratic bs than the safety of his (I honestly don’t remember if the dean is a he or she, so just go with it!) students and staff. What it really comes down to is this: If someone comes in with a gun, who is going to stop him/her from killing as many people as he/she can? If no one is armed, then no one can stop this guy in question. The people in school are at the mercy of the police. I’m not sure how close the local police are to my school, but it has to be at least 2-3 miles away. How does it make sense to let people have to wait for the police?

I wish I was allowed to do something about this. I am seriously thinking about writing a letter to the editor of our school paper or directly to the dean. It just does not make sense. AT ALL.

Maybe I’ll get totally shot down, but I just feel violated in a way. Maybe that’s not the way to put it, but I don’t know. I just feel like it is trying to put a band aid on something that needs stitches. The problem is being walked around instead of dealt with.

I just don’t get it. If my thinking is wrong, somebody tell me, but this just doesn’t make sense to me.

I was supposed to hear today.

I still haven’t heard.

The people that set this thing up are driving me crazy.

But at least I did ok on my practical yesterday!

Blah

is going to be multiple things:

1. Anticipatory while I wait until Wednesday to find out if I get into the nursing program or not! GRRR.

2. Exciting if I get into the nursing program

OR

3. Disappointing if I don’t get into the nursing program

4. Busy as I’m working M-Sat. It’s going to be a reading party, people. I would die if my work meant doing heavy labor and stuff.

5. LONG- I really hope it’s not long. I’d much prefer it be short and sweet so I can figure out my life, yo!

So yeah that’s what I’m up to right now. Patience is a virtue that I will somehow try to develop this week.

I also keep having weird dreams. Yesterday I dreamed someone was trying to kill me and stuff and I woke up with my heart racing. Today I dreamed that I forgot to go into work at 8 am. That is so unlike me. I am very consistently early/on time to work to set up the student and stuff. It’s craziness. Weird dreams are weird.

My house has no furnace right now, so I’m really grateful for the electric blanket/portable heater thing.

It’s cold out still, but it’s finally starting to feel like spring !!

Gotta get ready still so I’m gonna go, but kjfasldkjaf;sdkj;lakjsd !

So, you’re single, right?
Nope! Been in a relationship for a while now.

How do you feel when people lead you on, but they don’t even like you?
I despise it.

When was the last time you felt like crying?
Earlier today because someone was incredibly judgmental and horrible

Do you lose interest in someone quickly?
Nope

What’s the worst thing about your personality?
insecurity, too passive when it matters oftentimes

Would you ever take someone back after they’ve cheated?
No.

Have you ever been used before?
Of course.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
NOW

Ever purposely broken your iPod/phone just for a new one?
no!

Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?
Not that I can think of!

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
nope, that wouldn’t be good for me 

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
No. I am too young to drink/don’t like alcohol and don’t do drugs.

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
Not sure how that would happen, but ok!

Do you want your exes to be happy?
I guess. I’m kind of indifferent at this point

How far away are you from the person you like?
~800 miles  

The first thing you do in the morning?
hear my alarm

How many months until your birthday?
5 months

What was your first thought this morning?
jdalskjda;lskj blergh

Do you like to cuddle?
Like is an understatement.

What color is your computer?
Silver!

The last time you felt honestly broken?

Lately because I feel like I’m doing so many things and cant keep up

Who do you talk to the most about your problems?
I’m not even sure, not my friends usually

Are you easy to get along with?
I think so. 

At your best friend’s house, do you know where they keep their silverware?
Of course! 

Do you think relationships are hard?
I think it really depends on what part of the relationship you’re in. I think they go in phases where you have good times and bad times.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now?
I have a lot of those

Are you currently logged into Facebook?
Yes.

Have you stayed up past 3 AM in the past week?
nope

How many blankets are currently in your bedroom?
4 on my bed, 2-3 on my futon

Do you make your smiley faces backwards?
No.

Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Sorta kinda, but I would tell her w/e she wante to know

Who was the last girl to touch your stomach?
dunno

If someone asked you for a kiss, you’d say?
Nope I’m taken

Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Hearing about the nursing program next week!!!1

Are your fingernails painted?
Hell no.

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
both, but eat

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents?
They were ready for me, but I wouldn’t say I was 100% planned

How many people do you know with your name?
nobody close to me.

How old do you think you will be when you have kids?
Probably late 20s/early 30s. I’m going to be 20 this year and I still have so much school in front of me, so it’s going to be awhile D:

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
football

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold for sleeping or cuddling. Warm for everything else!!!