March 31, 2013

• Respect

  Imagine how much better the world would be if people, like friends and family, respected your decisions. Respected that you have made a choice, sometimes because of how they have behaved toward you in the past and because of what kind of person you know they are. Respect that you are an adult and don’t need constant guidance breathing down your neck.

  It is frustrating for me that my family cannot respect me enough to admit they did something wrong. Even if they don’t want to admit that to admit that I have a right not to trust them and that they don’t have a right to demand information out of me and accuse me of having problems and of aspects of my life being wrong or whatever if I don’t want to talk to them in great detail about it.

  Nothing I do is good enough for them.

  And I hate that they demand this sort of crap out of me.

  It’s hard to understand what Jesus means in “give of yourselves” when there are people in my life that constantly demand of me. I struggle with it. I want to be loving toward them, but it does come to a point where enough is enough. I guess I just have to take it in strides. I think I’ve been doing the right thing. I’ve learned a lot about responding to the response at work and always trying to find something positive and I’m really trying to take that to my personal life. Because I don’t think responding angrily is the answer. I think what it comes down to is I can’t win the fight and I don’t really want to fight the fight. I don’t think that’s the answer here.

  I think I need to give what I can, give of myself, but pull back when people expect me to do things I literally can’t do. Perfect example. My friend Stephen recently told me he doesn’t feel like I’m spending enough time with him even though I spend most of my free time with him during our break. Also, I am in school and work part time. I was initially really mad that he expected so much from me, but then I realized the core of the issue. The issue is that he doesn’t have a lot of close friends and he’s lonely. So when I keep that in mind I can move forward, I can still give of myself but I don’t get worn down mentally because he’s demanding stuff from me. I’m going to take a break from hanging out with him next weekend most likely and probably hang out with him the weekend after.

  I feel like it’s the same thing with my family. My aunt can say things to me, but if I respond with respect and with as much positivity as I can muster, even though she definitely doesn’t deserve it considering the things that she accuses me of, then I’m not the one in the wrong. I’m not a victim, but I’m not the one who responded or treated somebody else in anger.

  My life is not subject to the judgments of other people. That is not to say I don’t need correction. I do. I’m a flawed human being just like everybody else, but I don’t have to answer to others just because they don’t like the way I’m doing things like managing my time when I have a busy schedule (or whatever it is I’m being criticized on). I’m a passive person, so asserting myself on this is kind of difficult sometimes. It is worth the effort and I’m not going to be taken advantage of.

  I dunno. Maybe I’m off track here but that’s just what’s been on my mind right now.

  Also it’s Easter! Happy Easter!

  I went on a 2 mile bike ride today. It was awesome. It’s been too long since I’ve done one of those. It was kinda chilly, but it was definitely worth it. 

   

  • 5:13 pm
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