As most of you know, I live and go to school in Connecticut. Fortunately, I don’t live in Newtown/was not directly affected by it in anyway (although I do know someone from Eastern that is from there, we are not close so I don’t know how much it impacted her). The only way that the Newtown massacre has impacted me has been with all this talk about gun control. There’s possible gun control laws that could be passed locally in CT and there’s also national ones that failed to pass today.

What I am about to talk about is related to that.

Four months later my school has decided to do something to “crack down on security”.

I bet you’re excited to know what, right?

I’ll give you a second to think about it/guess what it might be before you read below.

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Before the change I am about to talk about happened, we had security guards. They basically walked around campus, unarmed and did nothing. Now, in an effort to “increase security” they are only having the main entrances of the school open during most of the day. The security guards are still unarmed. Someone told me today that the guards are not allowed to touch anyone if something like a fight breaks out. I spoke with a security guard today about the new changes and he said that the dean specifically did not want them to be armed. 

I respect the fact that the school is trying to make things more secure. I also recognize that the likeliness of someone coming to shoot up people at a community college is low, at least I hope it’s low. But I can’t help but feel like the measures they are taking are totally pointless.

Ok, so if I want to shoot up the school I have to go through a main entrance. Or I get there earlier and go through a side entrance. But if I have a gun a bunch of people are going to die either way. Obviously a person would eventually run out of bullets, but still. By the time the police got there, multiple people would have already died/been wounded. Honestly, it makes me feel a little unsafe that the dean cares more about some democratic bs than the safety of his (I honestly don’t remember if the dean is a he or she, so just go with it!) students and staff. What it really comes down to is this: If someone comes in with a gun, who is going to stop him/her from killing as many people as he/she can? If no one is armed, then no one can stop this guy in question. The people in school are at the mercy of the police. I’m not sure how close the local police are to my school, but it has to be at least 2-3 miles away. How does it make sense to let people have to wait for the police?

I wish I was allowed to do something about this. I am seriously thinking about writing a letter to the editor of our school paper or directly to the dean. It just does not make sense. AT ALL.

Maybe I’ll get totally shot down, but I just feel violated in a way. Maybe that’s not the way to put it, but I don’t know. I just feel like it is trying to put a band aid on something that needs stitches. The problem is being walked around instead of dealt with.

I just don’t get it. If my thinking is wrong, somebody tell me, but this just doesn’t make sense to me.

I was supposed to hear today.

I still haven’t heard.

The people that set this thing up are driving me crazy.

But at least I did ok on my practical yesterday!

Blah

is going to be multiple things:

1. Anticipatory while I wait until Wednesday to find out if I get into the nursing program or not! GRRR.

2. Exciting if I get into the nursing program

OR

3. Disappointing if I don’t get into the nursing program

4. Busy as I’m working M-Sat. It’s going to be a reading party, people. I would die if my work meant doing heavy labor and stuff.

5. LONG- I really hope it’s not long. I’d much prefer it be short and sweet so I can figure out my life, yo!

 

So yeah that’s what I’m up to right now. Patience is a virtue that I will somehow try to develop this week.

I also keep having weird dreams. Yesterday I dreamed someone was trying to kill me and stuff and I woke up with my heart racing. Today I dreamed that I forgot to go into work at 8 am. That is so unlike me. I am very consistently early/on time to work to set up the student and stuff. It’s craziness. Weird dreams are weird.

My house has no furnace right now, so I’m really grateful for the electric blanket/portable heater thing.

It’s cold out still, but it’s finally starting to feel like spring !!

Gotta get ready still so I’m gonna go, but kjfasldkjaf;sdkj;lakjsd !

So, you’re single, right?
Nope! Been in a relationship for a while now.

How do you feel when people lead you on, but they don’t even like you?
I despise it.

When was the last time you felt like crying?
Earlier today because someone was incredibly judgmental and horrible

Do you lose interest in someone quickly?
Nope

What’s the worst thing about your personality?
insecurity, too passive when it matters oftentimes

Would you ever take someone back after they’ve cheated?
No.

Have you ever been used before?
Of course.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
NOW

Ever purposely broken your iPod/phone just for a new one?
no!

Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?
Not that I can think of!

If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
nope, that wouldn’t be good for me 

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
No. I am too young to drink/don’t like alcohol and don’t do drugs.

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
Not sure how that would happen, but ok!

Do you want your exes to be happy?
I guess. I’m kind of indifferent at this point

How far away are you from the person you like?
~800 miles  

The first thing you do in the morning?
hear my alarm

How many months until your birthday?
5 months

What was your first thought this morning?
jdalskjda;lskj blergh

Do you like to cuddle?
Like is an understatement.

What color is your computer?
Silver!

The last time you felt honestly broken?

Lately because I feel like I’m doing so many things and cant keep up

Who do you talk to the most about your problems?
I’m not even sure, not my friends usually

Are you easy to get along with?
I think so. 

At your best friend’s house, do you know where they keep their silverware?
Of course! 

Do you think relationships are hard?
I think it really depends on what part of the relationship you’re in. I think they go in phases where you have good times and bad times.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now?
I have a lot of those

Are you currently logged into Facebook?
Yes.

Have you stayed up past 3 AM in the past week?
nope

How many blankets are currently in your bedroom?
4 on my bed, 2-3 on my futon

Do you make your smiley faces backwards?
No.

Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Sorta kinda, but I would tell her w/e she wante to know

Who was the last girl to touch your stomach?
dunno

If someone asked you for a kiss, you’d say?
Nope I’m taken

Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Hearing about the nursing program next week!!!1

Are your fingernails painted?
Hell no.

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
both, but eat

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents?
They were ready for me, but I wouldn’t say I was 100% planned

How many people do you know with your name?
nobody close to me.

How old do you think you will be when you have kids?
Probably late 20s/early 30s. I’m going to be 20 this year and I still have so much school in front of me, so it’s going to be awhile D:

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
football

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold for sleeping or cuddling. Warm for everything else!!!

Imagine how much better the world would be if people, like friends and family, respected your decisions. Respected that you have made a choice, sometimes because of how they have behaved toward you in the past and because of what kind of person you know they are. Respect that you are an adult and don’t need constant guidance breathing down your neck.

It is frustrating for me that my family cannot respect me enough to admit they did something wrong. Even if they don’t want to admit that to admit that I have a right not to trust them and that they don’t have a right to demand information out of me and accuse me of having problems and of aspects of my life being wrong or whatever if I don’t want to talk to them in great detail about it.

Nothing I do is good enough for them.

And I hate that they demand this sort of crap out of me.

It’s hard to understand what Jesus means in “give of yourselves” when there are people in my life that constantly demand of me. I struggle with it. I want to be loving toward them, but it does come to a point where enough is enough. I guess I just have to take it in strides. I think I’ve been doing the right thing. I’ve learned a lot about responding to the response at work and always trying to find something positive and I’m really trying to take that to my personal life. Because I don’t think responding angrily is the answer. I think what it comes down to is I can’t win the fight and I don’t really want to fight the fight. I don’t think that’s the answer here.

I think I need to give what I can, give of myself, but pull back when people expect me to do things I literally can’t do. Perfect example. My friend Stephen recently told me he doesn’t feel like I’m spending enough time with him even though I spend most of my free time with him during our break. Also, I am in school and work part time. I was initially really mad that he expected so much from me, but then I realized the core of the issue. The issue is that he doesn’t have a lot of close friends and he’s lonely. So when I keep that in mind I can move forward, I can still give of myself but I don’t get worn down mentally because he’s demanding stuff from me. I’m going to take a break from hanging out with him next weekend most likely and probably hang out with him the weekend after.

I feel like it’s the same thing with my family. My aunt can say things to me, but if I respond with respect and with as much positivity as I can muster, even though she definitely doesn’t deserve it considering the things that she accuses me of, then I’m not the one in the wrong. I’m not a victim, but I’m not the one who responded or treated somebody else in anger.

My life is not subject to the judgments of other people. That is not to say I don’t need correction. I do. I’m a flawed human being just like everybody else, but I don’t have to answer to others just because they don’t like the way I’m doing things like managing my time when I have a busy schedule (or whatever it is I’m being criticized on). I’m a passive person, so asserting myself on this is kind of difficult sometimes. It is worth the effort and I’m not going to be taken advantage of.

I dunno. Maybe I’m off track here but that’s just what’s been on my mind right now.

Also it’s Easter! Happy Easter!

I went on a 2 mile bike ride today. It was awesome. It’s been too long since I’ve done one of those. It was kinda chilly, but it was definitely worth it. 

 

So I’ve been itching to do things now that I have been driving on the highway……SO, I looked up places and my friends and I went on an adventure on Sunday!

We drove for awhile to get to Gilette Castle in East Haddam, CT!

IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL UP THERE OMGOSH.

It was super hilly so my little geo was kind of sad and had a hard time going up the super huge hills, but I managed! There were also some marshes and stuff, which my friend Stephen loved as he is a marine bio major. Emily came for the ride, but I think she had a hard time because she’s dealing with various things.

 

 

 

 

So I’d say it was a successful adventure, but we want to go there again when the castle is actually open. Also I would love to go somewhere that means I can travel on more highways and stuff as it was basically driving straight the entire time. I ordered a bunch of maps from AAA and I’m going to go exploring at some point later this year ! Even if it’s on a Saturday because my summer is going to be crazy!

 

Other misc. stuff that’s been happening:

• I’ve lost 10ish pounds since the beginning of the year and my khakis I bought last year for work no longer fit!
• I haven’t heard back about the nursing program yet, but they have sent out rejection letters so I am not yet rejected! I should hear back Mid April!
• I’m taking a CNA training class over the summer! It’ll be good experience for nursing and my friend in my A&P II class this semester could give me a reference for her agency!
• My current job isn’t making me retrain over the summer and thus far (the recent reviews, I had a really hard time with the older stuff obviously) I have gotten good reviews on everything I’ve gotten observed on so I think that is good. Also, the center director (aka my boss) said that I could definitely train in the math program if there’s another training thingy for it sometime soon! My friend is interviewing there today so I hope she gets it. I think personality wise she would definitely be good, but they make you take tests and stuff so…..IDK if she’ll pass those! We’ll see what happens.
• My friend C who it’s been awhile that I mentioned…She is going through AA meetings and stuff right now. If you could please keep her in your prayers and stuff as today was apparently a bad day for her.

That’s it for now. This semester is super busy now that my summer job called me back and I’ve been doing classes and stuff.

 

 

So I stole this from @lkjslain

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Probably a friend if it wasn’t the boyfriend 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Both. I’m really shy sometimes when I feel uncomfortable, but that’s mostly if something happens that I don’t want to say something about. Like if I think my friend should stop speeding or something. I’m generally very outgoing with strangers and most of the time strike up a conversation with random strangers a lot of the time. 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My friends: Emily, Stephen, Michaela, Ed etc, the boyfriend 4. Are you easy to get alone with? I think I am when I’m not being stubborn 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care ofyou? Yea. I think they would kick butt if anyone tried to take advantage of me. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? People that are interesting, funny, can have a good convo. I dunno, lotsa sutff. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months fromnow? Most likely , yeah. 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? boyfriend. 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Yes and No. Yes when my friends ask me about my sex life and expect me to tell them. No when we’re talking generally or about the mechanisms with sex (like the menstrual cycle or ejaculation). The mechanism stuff doesn’t bug me. It would bug me if it did bother me because I’m supposed to be comfy with that kind of stuff as afuture nurse. 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversationwith? Stephen 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? hey it’s kim. how’s it going (my friend changed her number) 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? OMGosh SO MANY….I LOVE THESE SONGS THOUGH <3   Holding onto you- Twenty one Pilots Janglin- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros   I LOVE THIS SONG……It’s just awesome Home- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros    Love this song too. It just feels good. Glass Houses- Classic Crime    Love this song. Implicit Demand for Proof- Twenty one pilots    I JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE the instrumental portion of this one!!!!!     13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I don’t mind. people don’t really play with my hair though 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Luck? No. Miracles? Yes.  15. What good thing happened this summer? Depends on if you mean the past summer or this coming summer?? this past 2012 summer–I got a job that pays me. this coming summer- I’m going back to the same job parttime so I can take a class that will allow me to take the certified nurse’s aide test and have clinical experience and stuff!! 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? YES 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I’m not going to rule out the possibility 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Nah, I have no idea what happened to him as he lives in Delaware. My first boyfriend ever got married last year though.  19. Do you like bubble baths? Eh, kinda not really 20. Do you like your neighbors? My next door neighbor is kind of grumpy and mean. The neighbors behind us seem ok. 21. What are you bad habits? I bite my nails, I’m kind of unorganized/messy. I interrupt people when talking a lot. 22. Where would you like to travel? Canada, Europe, Tuvalu 23. Do you have trust issues? Yup 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? when I get to relax and read 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? stretch marks, scars on my shoulders/stomach from when I used to cut—they don’t bug me as much as they used to though, which is a start 26. What do you do when you wake up? pray, read, get ready for working out/going to school. if it’s a weekend then I get ready for going to work or church 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? no i’m good with my skin 28. Who are you most comfortable around? boyfriend, best friend Renee 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? YES. And it was this guy that I only dated for a month and he’s come back to me twice now asking to get back together. It never would have worked out as he was a pothead and didn’t want to wait for sex. That was kind of a deal breaker for me even before I was Christian. 30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes, but I don’t think I’m ready anytime soon. 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yea 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? this is an awkward question. no thanks. 33. Spell your name with your chin. klklmm…not bad! 34. Do you play sports? What sports? Nope. I used to play soccer 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV I think.  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes…it was probably for the best 37. What do you say during awkward silences?  awkwardd 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I don’t know…I guess someone who I can have conversations with, that I like to spend time with, that’s Christian, that is attractive or at least not hideous to me, that’s my best friend 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? This questions always makes me sort of weirded out because I don’t tend to shop in any one store.  40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to go to college. And I’m in college, so I’d say that’s success. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yes. But you need to be really careful with what you say afterwards. Well, at least in the case of what I’m picturing. For example, my friend Emily has kind of a big mouth and I’m really careful not to say something now that I mind being repeated. She’s a good kid but a pain in the butt in that regard. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Either deep in though or upset 43. Do you smile at strangers? Often yes. I really try to because I think it makes some people’s day. I like making people happy. 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Space 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? MY alarm 46. What are you paranoid about? That my mom is going to get involved in my person life again and try to mess things up for me like she already has tried, that my mom is going to threaten to kick me out or something if I do something she doesn’t like, that she’s snooping through my stuff when I’m not home, that my car is going to get broken into if I leave something in it….lots lots of things 47. Have you ever been high? Nope 48. Have you ever been drunk? No, been tipsy though. 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobodyfinds out about? nope, not that i can think of 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black 51. Ever wished you were someone else? Who hasn’t? HAHA.  52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I’d love to be a natural ginger so I don’t have to keep dying my hair every 3 months. I used to want to be shorter. I like being tall now though. 53. Favorite makeup brand? I don’t wear makeup. 54. Favorite store? Goodwill. I’m cheap 55. Favorite blog? hmmm. I don’t know. I like all the subs I have for different reasons. There’s just such a wide variety of people that I think are cool. 56. Favorite color? Sapphire blue 57. Favorite food? Chinese 58. Last thing you ate? spaghetti and pasta sauce!!! <3 59. First thing you ate this morning? egg w beans/rice 60. Ever won a competition? For what? I got 3rd place in a poetry contest when I was in high school, if I remember correctly. I was just below what they gave a prize for though. 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Neither. For nothing. 62. Been arrested? For what? No, thank God. 63. Ever been in love? I am in love now. There’s no getting out of it. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was with the guy that I was talking about earlier that was my first boyfriend that just got married last year. We were at this pond. I don’t really remember exactly what I said or what he said, but then we kissed. It was slightly disastrous as I didn’t really figure it out until later. 65. Are you hungry right now? nopee 66. Do you like your tumblr/xanga friends more than your realfriends? I hate to say it, but some of them, yes.  67. Face book or Twitter? Facebook. 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? no 70. Names of your best friends? Matt, Renee 71. Craving something? What? I’ve been craving sweets a lot lately D: 72. What color are your towels? we have lots of different kinds 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two right next to each other, they fill up the head section of my twin bed 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? nope 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? a lot, probably 50-60ish 75. Favorite animal? birds. I recently discovered how cool is it that they each have their own distinct song! EX: Doves sound like an owl hooting sort of 76. What color is your underwear? violet 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla 78. Favorite ice cream flavor? plain vanilla is good, cookie dough, tin roof sundae 79. What color shirt are you wearing? black hoodie 80. What color pants? light/dark blue plaid pj pants 81. Favorite tv show? Currently on: probably Castle No longer on: Firefly/Avatar 82. Favorite movie? Pirates of the Caribbean 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? I’ve never seen the second one. 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street 85. Favorite character from Mean Girls? It’s been so long that I can’t think of who 86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? Dory 87. First person you talked to today? My mom or aunt 88. Last person you talked to today? Renee 89. Name a person you hate? I’m horrible, but I really hate my aunt sometimes. She’s kind of a really mean person. I know I shouldn’t, but oh well here we are. 90. Name a person you love? Matt 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? sorta 92. In a fight with someone? No 93. How many sweatpants do you have? mmm 6-7pairs? 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?  a lot. I live in hoodies 95. Last movie you watched? I rewatched an episode of Dr Who called Partners in Crime…….but I can’t think of the last movie I saw. 96. Favorite actress? Dunno. 97. Favorite actor? Nathan Fillon 98. Do you tan a lot? sorta kinda. only where I don’t have scars. My scars burn so badly. 99. Have any pets? 3 dogs: shih tzu, pomeranian, maltese 100. How are you feeling? fine 101. Do you type fast? Yes. 102. Do you regret anything from your past? Lots. 103. Can you spell well? Yes! Actually for my current job I had to take a spelling test and I work with kids who struggle with reading/spelling, so it would be a problem if i didn’t know how to spell. 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? I don’t really miss anyone from my past. They’re in the past for a reason, so it’s fine. Actually, one person. My friend Anthony. I miss him because he was like my brother. We would have breakfast and meals together at eastern. We were in the same dorm building. I really cared about him and wanted the best for him. He stopped being my friend because he didn’t like that I was serious about my faith. I worry about him sometimes because he was just so angry about everything and had a lot of issues to sort through. Plus it was harder for him because he had Asperger’s syndrome, but he used it as a crutch to get whatever he wanted. I feel like he was the first person that God helped me accept and love no matter what. And a big fight where he screamed at me when I did nothing wrong was the first time I felt joy even though I was horribly upset. So even though we don’t talk anymore some good came out of the situation. But other than him I mostly just wonder what  people from my past are up to/if they’re doing ok. 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? no it seems like it would be fun 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Maybe?? I had a thing with this guy for like a week and broke it off. It wasn’t anything serious just a summer fling. Doubt he cared that much about me. My last ex though, probably. We dated for almost 2 years and every time I saw him around the hallway of my high school after that he just looked pissed at me. So I’m pretty sure I broke his heart. :s 107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes. 108. What should you be doing? studying for my anatomy quiz tomorrow 109. Is something irritating you right now? eh, not really 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes. 111. Do you have trust issues? Wasn’t this already asked? O_o 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I haven’t cried in awhile, so I can’t remember!! 113. What was your childhood nickname? “Weenus” 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes. I’ve been out west as far as Texas. I’ve also been up to Maine. 115. Do you play the Wii? when i’m at my friend’s houses, but i don’t have my own wii. 116. Are you listening to music right now? yea 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? i’m sure i would if i wasn’t vegetarian 118. Do you like Chinese food? VERY much! 119. Favorite book? Time Traveler’s Wife. I think once I finish Les Mis that will be my favorite 120. Are you afraid of the dark? I used to be. 121. Are you mean? sometimes 122. Is cheating ever okay? Okay? I don’t think so.    123. Can you keep white shoes clean? noooo 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not at all. You don’t know a thing about that person.  I believe in COMMITMENT at first sight. Which might make this sound really odd. If two people have decided to marry, and they are completely committed, then they could stay together until death.   125. Do you believe in true love? Yes. But, it’s a decision and a choice. It’s NOT a feeling.  To add to what Lisa said, I think some people have better friend/love chemistry and have an easier connection. But I basically agree that someone has to make that decision. 126. Are you currently bored? A little. 127. What makes you happy? Spending time with my husband, reading, learning, getting good grades 128. Would you change your name? When I get married I’m going to change my last name, but other than that I really don’t see what the point would be of changing my first name. I don’t really think a name other than Kim/Kimberly suits me. 129. What your zodiac sign? Libra, but I don’t believe in that stuff 130. Do you like subway? yea, but i don’t really like eating there that much 131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what doyou do? I married him haha. 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Wasn’t this already asked as well? O_o 133. Favorite lyrics right now? “Life will write the words, you choose your own melody” 134. Can you count to one million? I could if I sat here and did it. I don’t want to tho.   135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Nothing comes to mind. 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed and locked. I hate the idea of someone coming in 137. How tall are you? 5 ‘ 8ish 138. Curly or Straight hair? I have wavy hair. I like curly hair. 139. Brunette or Blonde? I like both, but I’m naturally a brownish-blonde (color that’s in my prof pic right now is natural)   140. Summer or Winter? Summer because there’s no snow 141. Night or Day? day 142. Favorite month? September because that’s my birthday month 143. Are you a vegetarian? yes 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark then milk 145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee. 146. Was today a good day? So far, yes. Class was cancelled, I got some-ish done, worked 3 hours, talked to the boyfriend 147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 148. What’s your favorite quote? Never give up 149. Do you believe in ghosts? I’m not sure 150. Get the closet book next to you, open it to page 42,what’s the first line on that page? Anatomy textbook—”Anabolism is the term used to describe chemical reactions that join simple molecules together to form more complex biomolecules”

I am in awe in what a weird day I had today.

So I went to church. I was supposed to meet up with my friend Stephen right after church, then he was like “I have work at 12, Idk until when but I think till like 4-5″. So I was like, ok fine I’ll figure something out to do since my house is on the opposite side of where he lives/where church is (well not really the opposite side, but a whole ‘nother town so why would I bother to run home and come all the way back?). He was supposed to text me when he got out of work and we were going to go to starbucks.

I hung out with people from church and we went to a really yummy Spanish food place for lunch. Then it was like 2-ish, so I went to the beach to read my anatomy textbook and finish the chapter we are going to be going over on Tuesday. Then I really really really had to pee, but their bathroom is closed for the season. So I left and went to a store to use their bathroom.

Then I went back to the beach and just kind of spaced out and watched seagulls/listened to music for a couple of hours. I felt cold and kind of was getting ready to leave and then I saw a police car drive past me. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I was paranoid that I looked suspicious and maybe someone reported me or something and the popo came to check me out so I started getting ready to leave. The popo had driven past me already.

Anyway, so I’m leaving the beach and suddenly mr. popo comes behind me and starts following me. I’m not the best driver ever, but I’ve never been pulled over or anything…..so I was like alksjdpuawyepirauysdkfjhaksdjf, leave me alone!!!!!! And he got me all nervous so I missed the lane change I needed to be in the correct lane. I took a right instead of going straight.  He follows me. Then I was like….gah maybe I should make a left and that will hopefully take me onto the main road.  He follows me again. I just kept driving. I was so freaked out. I was just like, ok he’s not going to pull me over, I’m not speeding, I’ve never been in trouble with the law and I was just minding my own business at the beach. It’s ok! Finally he turned and left me alone. I’m pretty sure he got my plates though to check me out and see if I had a drug conviction or something :S. It was sooo weird. Fortunately I found my way back to the main road because I think being lost on top of that would have sucked. This was around 5ish.

By the time I got to starbucks I was like, I’m cold screw this. I get a hot cocoa, sit down and chill and just leave. I figured Stephen got caught up in crazy things. I was right and I’m glad I didn’t stay. He’s great and all but things were just too crazy. Driving at night is still kind of weird for me since everybody here likes to drive with their highbeams on :S. So yeah, then I just went home. I was going to take the highway but I took too long to merge so I took the long way since I was just driving in circles with crazy exits. I’m thinking about getting a cheap gps. I’m waiting on it because I’m not driving that far or anything, but it would be nice to have for when I want to go on adventures and stuff.

Honestly, the only adventures I’m going on lately are driving around driving myself crazy because I’ve gotten slightly lost. I hung out with my friend from anatomy yesterday. I got lost on the way to her house because my mom’s gps got stuck recalculating because I did not get on the highway when it wanted me to (I was worried about my brakes going on the highway). I somehow managed to go in the right direction but reset the gps and it got me where I needed to go…. Her husband (who’s a mechanic) checked out my car. I have really bad suspension apparently. It’s great. You can shake the whole car. I get a kick out of it. It’s getting fixed soon, but I thought that was funny. I also managed to break the emergency break somehow haha. Oh the pleasures of old cars. My cup holder was also broken but he apoxied it together for me. My back brakes had a ton of rust on them. All things to watch out for, but we worked it out. Hopefully next weekend I’ll be able to work out the details of when he can fix it for me. It’s really cool though. He said he would let me borrow his car while he worked on mine which was kind of nice ! I’m excited. lots of cool stuff is going on.

Anyway, I think I’ve managed to bring myself in the right direction for these things, but a gps might be a good thing. Not that I can’t borrow my mom’s but she’s kind of controlling and tries to say I shouldn’t go x,y or z place. It’s gotten a lot better now that it’s my car and I’m 19, but it’s obnoxious to have to ask her for the gps and have to explain the what, why etc. Her gps is kind of crappy.

Also, I did children’s church with the pastor’s wife, Shelley, today. I don’t know how I feel about it yet. I think if I’m supposed to be involved with it it could be really fun. The kids are cute, at least. 

Anyway, I ended the night on a high note. Talked to my best friend about life and gonna read some before I go to bed .

1. My church is doing a devotional, Ashes to Fire that lasts from Lent-Pentecost and I’ve been going through it with everyone else that’s participating. I haven’t read the new testament in forever (as it took me over a year to get through the old testament -_- ), so I’ve really been enjoying that.
2. God is good and I’m often guilty of forgetting that. Sometimes I look at my life when I’ve been disappointed something didn’t work out the way I wanted it to or other people I know that have been through a lot and I’m like “How could God let them go through that and still be good”. It’s been a process and I think I’m finally getting to the point where I’m like “God, you know what… I don’t know everything that’s behind the situations I’m seeing and/or experiencing and I’m going to just trust that you are good, that you will make good out of the situation, and that you have the final word.” I’ve been at peace about some decisions I’ve made. I wasn’t 100% about buying the car off my aunt, getting on my own insurance etc. But having hours last week and this week, part time hours (at least) during the summer and seeing that the center I work at really does like me (based on what I was told after being observed this past week!) I think I’m finally starting to commit to believing that, not just sometimes/deep down but all the time.  
3. I could potentially be hearing back about whether or not I get into the nursing program next month!!!!!!! I really hope I hear back soon because I’m supposed to find out this week if they except my transferred in chemistry and AP credits for English! I admit that I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get in, but I’m not going to deal with that until I know for sure that I didn’t.
4. I’ve been exploring whether or not I should work with children. I work with them now at the center. And when I was observed the girl that observed me was like “I really admire your repoire with the kids. They are really comfortable with you , even after they have just met you the first time.” I guess I have that effect  (affect?) on people in general though. I’ve had random people just tell me about their lives, even total strangers. I don’t mind and I’m sure that’s going to be a big part of being a nurse….I just wonder what will be better for me. What’s going to challenge me, but at the same time what is going to work well with my talents? I’m sure it’ll become clear to me as I go through clinicials, but my friend Emily keeps mentioning that she thinks I would be good working with children. Obviously I’m talking about being a pediatric nurse. Because I really don’t think I would want to be a teacher in the traditional sense. I don’t want to stay at the center I work at now, but I really do love it so I would definitely consider it if everything else fell through. They just don’t have that many centers open so it would really limit me to stay within the company, you know? It’s a wonderful company that knows how to treat their employees and I just think does a lot of things right, but I’m just not sure it’s where I’m supposed to stay long-term. It’s a great summer/break/part-time job. However, if I do the CNA class over the summer that will give me clinicial experience for when I start applying to nursing jobs. I need that edge as I definitely want to get the heck out of CT, no matter what.

I got distracted, so I’m going to end there….

01. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Yea. I think there would be a problem if they didn’t since we’ve been together for awhile.

02. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Well, considering that I’m 19 now and it isn’t much of an age gap sure. It’s funny that I read that and was like “bleh, that’s so young for me”…..I feel so old sometimes. 

03. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
No, but I haven’t really listened to any music today.

04. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Light blue sweater, khakis, sparkly black flats, blue scarf (aka what I wore to work today since they want me for this week)

05. Who do you have texts from?
Lots of people: old friend from high school, boyfriend, mom, and various other friends

06. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
Social, sometimes, mostly antisocial. I have to push myself to go out sometimes. It really depends on I’m feeling.

07. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
It hurts, but I try not to care because I know I can only do so much and it reflects on them more than it does on me.

08. When was the last time you cried?
I can’t remember, but it’s been awhile which is good.

09. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
Naturally. I feel like I’ve only really meant it much fewer times.

10. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Yes, I would make them more green all the time. (I agree with Darcy’s answer, lol)

11. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Yea, I love it lol. 

12. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Nope, she was texting me about anatomy help and when we were gotta meet up.

13. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

YEP

14. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Yea and I’m really glad I didn’t get them because they were lame, aka they only wanted me for sex.

15. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? 
boyfriend

16. Does anyone hate you?
Wouldn’t be surprised.

17. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Nope, I don’t drink and even if I did I think it would be creepy to hide bottles in my room like that.

18. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
2006, it just wasn’t a good year for me and I did a lot of stupid stuff.

19. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
Maybe. 

20. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
Yes!

21. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Yep! It was a day off from school, I did a lot of productive stuff with cleaning, chilling etc.

22. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Why yes, I was  

23. What’s the best part about school?
Seeing my friends, learning cool things, being all academic

24. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
No, not really. Two years ago I was graduating high school, getting ready to go to Eastern, wanted to be an English teacher. Now I’m going to another school and want to be a nurse.

25. Are you nice to everyone?
I try to be.

26. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Yep.

27. Do you think you like someone?
Yes.

28. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
Yes, but it was kind of a summer fling. 

29. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
 My aunt or the boyfriend. Can’t remember.

30. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yess’m

31. Anyone you’re giving up on?
I try not to give up on people because I don’t think anyone is beyond hope, just beyond human ability. So generally if I give up on people I pull back and pray.

32. Are you over your past?
Some of it, not all of it. But I guess you take things in stride lol.

33. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

34. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
Well, it’s one of my friends and she’s very pretty. I have a lot of pretty friends.